same as it ever was (talking heads)

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Over/Under (Love Kraft)

In an attempt to merge my admiration of gambling with my love of music reviews, I'm going to start the over/under. Here's how it works: I'm going pick an album that is coming out and has yet to be reviewed by pitchforkmedia.com and I'm going to look at how pitchfork reviewed some of (whatever band I'm doing this for's) previous albums. I'm then going to set the rating number and if you can then comment on if you think the pitchfork review will be over or under the number I set. Pretty simple actually, and you can't win any money really but I'm pretty bored today so I came up with this stupid idea. Why pitchforkmedia you ask? I, like you, probably don't understand half of what they are saying in their reviews, but pitchfork is an institution in the whole music/blogger zeitgeist, so why not use it as the bar.

The first album that will get an over/under is The Super Furry Animals August 22nd release Love Kraft. If you're not hip to these mofo's, they are definitely worth checking out. Fans of Ween or the Flaming Lips won't be disappointed. Pitchfork reviewed and rated each of their two previous albums Phantom Power and Rings Around the World both with an 8.9 Pretty solid stuff. I think that since they rated those last two albums so high that they will rate this one a tad bit lower so I'm setting the over/under at:

8.3
I think the smart money is on over, but no telling. Also you can't really win anything but if you guess the pitchfork review correctly I'll owe you a drink (that is, if I know you) So there you go, maybe this isn't such a stupid idea after-all, it could maybe help you get drunk or more drunk.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Favorite 100 Songs List: 80-71

80. Stereolab: Soop Groove #1; Oscillons from the Anit-Sun An approximately 13-minute spacey lounge jam. A solid bass line holds the song together as electronic hi jinks and horn section freakouts, amongst other things, fill out and sustain this song for its entirety.

79. Bjork: Hyperballad; Greatest Hits She turns down the trip-hop on this and turns up the house/dance. Great unique voice as always with some fucked-up lyrics, three minutes in the song takes off. Plus, Bjork is a great name..."Did you Bjork that chick last night?" "Oh yeah, totally Bjorked her"

78. Gorillaz: Feel Good Inc.; Demon Days Make sure no-one catches you dancing alone to this one. The windmill/windmill part always gives me the music chills, plus some De La Soul. This song has everything sans kitchen sink.

77. Underworld: Luetin; A Hundred Days Off Another song in house/lounge category. One of those songs I missed the first couple of listens. I went back a couple of months after I purchased this album and popped it back in, this song blew me away (love it when that happens). Great headphone music.

76. Broken Social Scene: Stars and Sons; You Forgot It In People Out of control (guitar/bass?) riff that propels this song. Then come the hand claps, have they ever worked as well as in this song? I think not! As we continue fuzzed out guitar work, screeching noises, and a short breather turn into an all out sonic assault for your listening pleasure.

75. Arcade Fire: Haiti; Funeral Believe the hype, great album. This song is such a unique change-up from the rest of the songs. Dreamy and hazy, with great bass and an unbelievable guitar about a minute and a half in, that really drives the middle section on the song. A very original sounding piece of music.

74. Beastie Boys: Get it Together; Ill Communication Unbelievable Q-Tip cameo. Patty Duke, Ione Skye, John Holmes, John Starks, Bernard King, and Biz Markie are all name checked in this song. The music and sampling hold down the song as well. My favorite song on a phenomenal and under-rated album.

73. Oasis: Some Might Say: (What's The Story) Morning Glory? Loud Rollicking guitars, boastful lyrics, I'm also positive that the brothers Gallagher probably got into some sort of verbal/physical spat while recording this one. Meaning that this song has all the components that make Oasis...well Oasis.

72. U2: Some Days Are Better Than Others: Zooropa U2 veer from their "sound" and people get pissed off. Zooropa is what makes U2 great. Sure I liked the last two albums, but I wish they'd have continued in the Zooropa and Pop path and continued to push their sound instead of resort back to old school U2 (I know I'm probably the only one). The edge who defines U2's sound doesn't have a single guitar solo on this entire album! To the song, ridiculous bass and amazing sounding far east guitar? I think work. A totally overlooked gem in the U2 catalog (Miami from Pop would fit into overlooked category too)

71. LCD Soundsystem: Tribulations; LCD Soundsystem The album was overhyped (I still think it's good, not great) but this song is just sick. I think this is the mix of dance music/indie rock that has eluded Radiohead on their last couple of outings. The most aggressively "commercial" sounding song from LCD Soundsystem that I've heard, I thought this song would make a radio hit, but what the fuck do I know.

editor's note: I fucked up and put the band before the song this time, I'm sure no one would have noticed. Probably change back for the rest of the list.

Friday, July 29, 2005

At the drive-thru



Yesterday at the Chick-fil-A drive-thru I was asked if I wanted my order to go. No Seinfeld-esque observational humor needed to point out the comedic implications of that statement.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Omnipresent Pop Culture Catchphrase Alert


You see a funny movie, watch a cool commercial, hear a song you really dig. This is more times than not, a good thing. See, the problem I'd like to talk about is today is when in one of these cool and funny moments from a movie, commercial, song, or TV show becomes a little too "cool" or popular. You know, when Budweiser comes out with a commercial with a bunch of friends talking to each other on the telephone, a new season of Chappelle's Show airs on comedy central, Little John makes a rap record, or Will Ferrel and Vince Vaughn are in a movie. Some people often hear a funny catchphrase and feel the need to (unsolicited and loudly, mind you) inform people around them that they have heard this catchphrase by repeating it over and over and over again. I think many of the catchphrases that I will mention below were funny the first, second, hell even third times I heard them. But by the time my middle aged next door neighbor was screaming "Wazzzzzz Up?" at me while I was driving down the street, I wanted to shoot myself in the head. Below I am going to show some of the worst omnipresent catchphrases to ever hit American soil. I will then postulate some defensive mechanisms that we can put into place to try and stop jackasses from repeating these catchphrases. Finally I want to set up an alert system ranking the danger of these catchphrases as grow in power and momentum, the ranking system will be the same as for Hurricanes, the lowest a tropical storm ranging all the way up to a Catergory 5. Maybe this way we can spread the word and cut down catchphrase jackassery before it reaches category 3 stages, or, god help us, higher.

1. "Wazzzzzz Up?????" Budweiser dudes: This was a full blown category 5 catchphrase, and some stupid shit like this can never ever happen again. Sure I thought the COMMERCIAL was clever and funny the first five or so times I saw it. Near the middle peak to the drawn out end I wanted to kill bunnies and topple empires to put an end to this horrid catchphrase. Maybe early on I should have tried simply saying something like this to a "Wazzz Up" offender...
"Oh, "Wazzz Up?" (make sure to always do air quotes) Yeah, saw that commercial about eight times today, I've seen it eight times a day for about two or so months straight now. And I love to get drunk too, Bud, right on. See the problem I'm having is, that I've explained to you already that I've seen the commercial today, and now we're in a Biology lab and you're dissecting a Frog. You said "Wazzz Up?" to the Frog before you cut it but you said it loud enough for everyone to hear, and only two people laughed, maybe a month ago five people would have laughed, but now only two and I really think those people are slow, in a mental sort of way. If you say it again I'm going to kill you with your scalpel."

See I should have taken the more straight forward I'm going to kill you with your scalpel approach. Sadly I sat back and eventually had a major aneurysm due to this catchphrase, almost died.

2. "I'm Rick James Bitch" Dave Chappelle Show: The first time I saw the Rick James episode I thought to myself, "man cgpop that sure was funny, I wonder if anyone else caught that?" My queries were answered very quickly as I soon couldn't walk down the street without someone shouting, "I'm Rick James Bitch" a very scary prospect when considering that Rick James was a degenerate maniac in real life. I was hoping it wasn't Rick James yelling that loudly into my ear behind me because I may be kidnapped, and repeatedly burned with a crack pipe if so. Oh, wait, no it's not Rick James afterall it's the 187 fucking middle school and high school kids who hang out at the local movie theater at all hours of the day. I would rank this as a category 4 catchphrase catastrophe. I should have handled the situation more like this...
"Your name is Rick James? (answer would be no) and you don't look like Dave Chapelle because you're a white 13 year old. Hmmm, well I'm kinda tryin to watch the old movie here. I'm sure J-Lo will fall in love by the end of the film too but I'm all about seeing the crazy mishaps and awkward situations that pop up before she gets there (hypothetical situation here, didn't see any J-Lo films) maybe I'm more of a traditional cat than you fellows but I don't like ruining other people's movie going experiences by yelling out catchphrases that I've heard a million times. So in closing if it happens again none of you will make it out of this movie theater alive, and that's a promise."

See the strategy I employed here is that I called attention to the fact that they were not Rick James or Dave Chappelle. Then I also added in the killing them part, I can't stress this part enough. This goes for any Chappelle and Little Jon skits also, "What?" and "Yeah". The same basic techniques can be applied. Or you can employ a different technique, keep repeating the offending word to the offender this should get them to shut up.

Before I end this post I'd like to leave everyone with a catchphrase alert. The movie Wedding Crashers came out about two weeks ago. Funny movie, two Tropical storm size catchphrases already in motion.

1. "She's a stage 5 clinger": For this one I'm going to laugh so hard when someone says this that it will be obvious that I'm fake laughing and it will cause an awkward scene. I'll then say "oh man wedding crashers? yeah say it again" If they bite I'll laugh harder and longer this time. Hopefully they'll get the picture.

2. "Mom! Meatloaf!": This time I'll pretend like I don't know the source material then say, "What the fuck does that mean? Is your mom here? Meatloaf sucks! Oh, it's from a movie, that sounds gay, are you gay?" That should stop that quote. See we don't need to go into killing mode yet, these are only tropical storm level catchphrases.

This post was inspired by a funny post I read awhile ago. If you are quoting or know someone who quotes these movies, any of the techniques above can be applied accordingly. Thanks in advance for your time, and hopefully we can stop these catchphrases before they annoy the hell out of us.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Musical/Radio Rant



About a month or so ago I was reading a post on aquarium drunk about how radio stations in L.A. suck. I wasn't surprised but rather disappointed because, I had read an article in Rolling Stone (for a long time now a publication without any musical street cred what-so-ever, the reason I still subscribe is b/c they charge me 30 cents an issue, this could be a different post altogether) about the station Indie 103, and from reading the post and the comments, found that it too is basically a worthless radio station. The post went on to chronicle an L.A. station called, I think, Fred FM, that plays popular radio hits from the 70's-90's.

Here in Atlanta we have Dave FM. Same deal as Fred FM, play mostly popular radio hits from the mid 70's to current popular songs (think Jack Johnson, etc). Now this station is fine, it's ok at best, nothing really wrong with it until they recently started playing their new promo spots. The new Dave FM promos suggest that us listeners need not deal anymore with our pesky iPod's because they, Dave FM, already play EVERYTHING that we already have on our iPod's. They claim to be our new personal iPod, what a fucking joke. The thing that makes this worse is they have actual people on the promos saying shit like, "Dave FM is the greatest, ya'll already play all my iPod songs, I'm a dumb fucking redneck". Of course I made up the last part but you get the drift, these people should have their iPods stripped from them, they should then be neutered. If a corporate rock station like Dave FM is really going satisfy all of your musical needs, why buy an iPod in the first place? It gets worse.

The thing that then really put me over the top about Dave FM was last week they were playing the live version of I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, by U2. After the song ends the asshole DJ comes on the radio and says something to the effect of, "That was the live version of still haven't found, not what you'd typically hear on a radio station, but that's kind of what we are all about here at Dave FM, playing stuff you won't hear anywhere else" ????!!?!?!?!?!? Excuse me dude, did I just hear you correctly? That song can be found, not on some special live 12 inch import or something, but on Rattle and Hum!! But you guys already know that because you probably already own Rattle and Hum, it has only sold around 8 million copies give or take a million or so copies. So sorry, ass-clown DJ man, that's actually not the rarest of songs out there. The funny thing about his comment is that it is ironically true, playing an extremely popular U2 song is EXACTLY what Dave FM is all about.

Anyway it comes down to this, it's unfortunate but people who really love music will never be able to turn on the radio and find new cool shit to listen to (but of course we already know this). I'm just sick of corporate radio being condescending to me by claiming that they already cover all of my listening needs. So fuck you Dave FM, ass-clown DJ dude, and all the fuck-faces who did those promos.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Excerpt #2, BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY

The train shudders and pitches toward Fourteenth Street, stopping twice for breathers in the tunnel. You are reading about Liz Taylor's new boyfriend when a sooty hand taps your shoulder. You do not have to look up to know you are facing a casualty, one of the city's MIAs. You are than willing to lay some silver on the physically handi-capped, but folks with the long-distance eyes give you the heebie-jeebies.

The second time he taps your shoulder you look up. His clothes and hair are fairly neat, as if he had only recently let go of social convention, but his eyes are out-to-lunch and his mouth is working furiously.

"My birthday," he says, "is January thirteenth. I will be twenty-nine years old." Somehow he makes this sound like a threat to kill you with a blunt object. "Great", you say, going back to the paper.

When you next look up the man is halfway down the car, staring intently at an ad for a business training institute. As you watch, he sits down in the lap of an old lady. She tries to get out from under him but he has her pinned.

"Excuse me, sir, but you're sitting on me," she says. "Sir, sir, Excuse me." Almost everyone in the car is watching and pretending they're not. The man folds his arms across his chest and leans farther back. "Sir, please get off of me."

You can't believe it. Half a dozen healthy men are within spitting distance. You would have jumped up yourself but you assumed someone closer to the action would act. The woman is quietly sobbing. As each moment passes it becomes harder and harder to do anything without calling attention to the fact that you hadn't done anything earlier. You keep hoping the man will stand up and leave her alone. You imagine the headline in the Post: GRANNY CRUSHED BY NUT WHILE WIMPS WATCH.

You stand up. At the same time, the man stands up. He brushes his coat with his hands and then walks down to the far end of the car. You feel silly standing there. The old lady is dabbing her eyes with a Kleenex. You would like to see if she's all right, but at this point it wouldn't do much good. You sit down.

GTA: Vice City




Tommy faced the ocean. The sun would soon be rising only to be obscured by the the raging storm that had battered Vice City throughout the night. Sheets of rain fell on Tommy as thunder crackled in the dawn sky and lightning intermittently hit the ocean's surface. The only other beach-comers were the homeless and the prostitutes, the destitute foragers of VC. The wind was howling, threatening to turn into a Tropical storm at a moment's notice. Tommy started to walk from the beach toward the city street. A homeless man passed Tommy and slightly bumped him. Tommy turned around and hit the man in the back of the head. The man fell to the ground. Before the man had a chance to rise, Tommy repeatedly kicked him in the head until a massive pool of blood formed on the ground. Tommy ceased kicking long after life had escaped the man's body. He continued his jaunt toward the street. When Tommy reached the sidewalk a large Gatling-gun inexplicably appeared in his grasp. He turned to his left and saw two taxicabs headed north up the beach in his direction. Tommy let the unsuspecting cabs drive only so close to him as he unleashed a torrent of bullets. The gattling rounds mimicked the unrelenting rain only differentiating in their ferocious impact. The cabs were reduced to smoldering junk-yard wreckage. The downtrodden in the vicinity began to flee as three cop cars pulled up to the chaos. The first two police cruisers were destroyed in the same fashion as the taxicabs. Tommy turned and opened fire on the third car, it was too close to him, the explosion that ensued sent shards of shrapnel flying through the air only to find their mark in Tommy's exterior. Tommy lie wasted in the street as it continued to rain.

Monday, July 25, 2005

This is wrong

I'm a fan of the adultswim. Before it comes on though at ten o'clock on the cartoon network a show called Teen Titans airs. It's a stupid show for young adults, but it does have one major attraction, the little philly above, Raven. I have probably seen 15-20 episodes of this show b/c of this cartoon vixen. I'm going to list two major reasons why my semi-crush on Raven is slightly disturbing, then I'll list why I have said semi-crush.

1. Raven is a cartoon character. This is problematic for obvious reasons, but probably not actually that disturbing. Problematic because, obviously it'd be very hard to engage in any type of activity with a drawing (whether that activity be shuffleboard or something more interesting like miniature golf). The reason that it's not that disturbing is because, who didn't want to fuck Jessica Rabbit? She was totally sexable.

2. Raven is roughly 15, or so years old. Now this is a major problem seeing as I am slightly older than 15 myself. If the situation ever arose where her parents were out of town, and I was over, and we split a bottle of vodka, and we decided to take a dip in the new jacuzzi on the refurnished back deck, and you see where I'm going with this. The results wouldn't end up to good for ole' cgpop in terms of not being charged with some sort of statutory sex offense. So maybe it is good she's a cartoon afterall.

Now I'm going to list some reasons why she's totally hot, way hotter than any of the previous jailbait like the the olsen's, lindsey lohan, or hillary duff.

1. I bet she totally hates her parents
2. She definitely smokes Parliaments
3. Bauhaus is probably her favorite band
4. She has telekinetic powers
5. Check out that outfit/body

Can I get a witness? Raven, if you do ever materialize into a real flesh and blooder give me a call in 3 or so years, if not, don't worry, I'll be calling you.

editor's note: New Orleans was highly successful. As a party destination it is unrivaled. Such a unique city with personality to burn. My personal highlight was when a totally coked-up stripper asked me what I was fucked up on. I replied only alcohol, I think. Must of looked pretty rough by that point. If Raven would have been at the Larry Flint Hustler club I would have gotten multiple lap dances from her, I don't care if she's a 15 year old cartoon.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The crescent City? That can't be right.

Tomorrow I'm off to New Orleans. I'd like to share a story from a Mardi Gras trip I had back spring break, my senior year in college. This might sound like a normal night out on the town for some folks, but for me it was quite the odd experience...

About five or so of us were staying with a high school buddy who went to Tulane (Snake). I think that 20 or so people were staying at his place for Mardi Gras. The second night we were there me and two buddies (P-homes and Fred) were drinking and chilling on the couch. P-homes turns to me and says, "Holy shit dude, what's wrong with your eyes?" Unbeknownst to my buddies, 45 or so minutes earlier, I had ingested an oral narcotic that was starting to take drastic effect.

Directly after those words left my friends mouth some huge dude, who we didn't know, walked in front of us and punched out the massive floor to ceiling type window in snake's living room. We asked the guy what he thought he was doing but he was way too preoccupied being incoherent and pleased with himself (all the while bleeding profusely on the floor) to take time to answer our question.

At this point we decided to head outside and find Snake who was rumored to be at a party down the street. When we stepped outside old Snake was calmly leaning against a car smoking a cigarette. The next exchange went something like this...

Me: Hey Snake, some drunk fucking maniac just punched out your window, he's bleeding all over your floor.
Snake: Oh yeah man, I heard it.
Me: Really? Were you planning on doing anything about it?
Snake: Don't worry man, shit like that happens all the time.
Me: That's like an expensive window dude.
Snake: Man relax, it's Mardi Gras, New Orleans man.

Snake really took the news well, so minor disaster averted, I guess. At this point I had near permanent lock-jaw and felt as if the Atlantic Ocean was coursing through my entire being. So P-homes and I drifted over to an alternate party that was happening next door. Instead of hanging out or mingling at said get-together we somehow managed to steal the cordless house phone.

As we went back over to Snake's house things had taken a decided turn for the worse. Some dude (again no clue who this was) was trying to kick down the wooden fence between Snake's house and his other neighbor's house (who presumably still had his house phone). Something about inanimate objects had definitely pissed off a few select party revelers that Mardi Gras night.

When in Rome. P-homes and I decided we would throw the cordless phone over Snake's house. His house was one of those four story old gothic looking places. As P-homes and I were hatching our plan, the middle aged neighbor who was getting his fence destroyed came out to yell at all of the party people and pleaded with the kid stop kicking in his fence. This guy was decidedly not as cool as my buddy Snake was when it came to incidents dealing in and around destruction of personal property by a drunken MardiGraser. The drunk kid told the dude to fuck off and continued to kick down this fence, the neighbor went inside (All of this action was happening in Snake's driveway, P-homes and I were in Snake's front yard about 40 or so feet away from the fence destruction)

We decided that I'd get to the first shot to throw the phone over the house. I grabbed the phone and unsuccessfully tried to focus on the roof. I let it fly. "Clang" it hit the fucking gutter and came back down, P-homes picked it up and threw a perfect toss over the house.

As we began to celebrate the successful throw, the angry neighbor came back outside with a shotgun. He proceeded to fire off two rounds into the New Orleans night sky. P-homes and I scattered Boyz-n-the-Hood style behind the nearest car parked on the street. Party over. By this point my friends and I decided to head down to Bourbon street seeing as guy just unloaded a couple of shotgun blasts into the air.

Anyway just thought I'd share my little Mardi Gras story. That was the first and luckily last time, so far at least, I've ever seen someone actually shoot a gun in a public place, with like people around and shit. It was truly fucked-up. Can't wait to get to the crescent? City? Tomorrow. What a stupid name for New Orleans, it's the second best US destination (behind Vegas) for sinfulness and debauchery. Anyway, I'm sure I'll be at Harrah's the majority of the time. I hope black jack and craps are kind to me.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Don Hughes/Johnny Ballon movie pitch (#2)


"The Banana Splits: Camp Friendship/Murder Cartel"
DH: Ok, we're remaking huge child stars late 60's early 70's, The Banana Fucking Splits, the next big summer box office hero's here.
JB: These guys have way more appeal than those Sesame Street fags.
DH: These guys are rockers Ok, so we have them run a summer camp for kids and teach them music and take them surfing and all kinds of shit.
JB: But the camp is just like a front for the real action and plot, which will of course be...drug trafficking!
DH: They already got the plane Ok. The fucking Splits are going to move so much product in this film it'll make Blow look like an afterschool special special about decreasing drug smuggling activity.
JB: Tons of killing too, we're Americans, we fucking love to see motherfuckers kill other motherfuckers.
DH: Yes, the Splits will make Tony Montoya look like Gandhi.
JB: So the splits are running product all over the globe and torturing and murdering rival drug cartels that try to fuck with them.
DH: We are talking decadence of unprecedented levels here.
JB: Oh yeah, don't forget the hardcore furby sex that the movie is going to have. Wouldn't want to leave that out. We're talking mass furby orgies here, Caligula-esque orgy fucking.
DH: Of course, eventually the party will have to end. We'll go with a bloody power struggle, don't worry, Snorky will make it out alive, we wouldn't want to forget about the guaranteed sequel potential of this project.
JB: We know Snorky's a breakout star. Think DiCaprio in Titanic proportions here.
DH: This thing plays with all personality types. I'm a hipster, right, the Banana Splits used to suck which means they're totally cool now!
JB: Yeah the kitsch aftermarket potential is exponential with the splits, vintage splits T's, crazy splits furby masks.
DH: Dudes, hipsters in NY and LA are going to be wearing this split gear all over town. We know the trickle down hipster effect too, right? Middle America will undoubtedly follow the hipster lead here, and we're rich...I mean more rich than before.
JB: This also plays great with the grade school set. The splits were a fun lovin bunch furby guys who taught kids shit and stuff, am I right!
DH: Yeah this has family film written all over it. See this is going to open on multiple screens in the theaters. We market the Camp Friendship part for the family audience. We show the parts of the film where the splits are at camp roasting marshmallows, doing arts and crafts, the canoe rides, here we're shooting for a PG rating.
JB: Yeah, the Murder Cartel side we market the parts with the drug trafficking, and furby orgies. Hopefully we can pull off a hard R here, just miss that NC-17.
DH: Camp Friendship and Murder Cartel are, of course, the same cut, but just marketed and rated differently to pull in maximum profitability. We'll let the marketing department worry about the logistics of this.
JB: Not to mention our main demographic, people who do drugs!
DH: Everybody I know does drugs.
JB: I'm doing drugs right fucking now!
DH: Yeah, he is, look, he's snorting coke.
JB: Just after Kotter Redux got the green light at Dimension, another sure fire hit! The names Robert Evans or Don Simpson mean anything to you?
DH: We're going to ride these drug-addled, sex-crazed furbies to an opening weekend that will make Spiderman look like Critters III.
editor's note: Don Hughes wears his sunglasses at night/ Johnny Ballon picks up Satan's drycleaning.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Favorite 100 Songs List: 90-81

90. Doing the Unstuck: The Cure; Wish Annoying lyrics aside I really love this song. mesmerising guitar work from Robert Smith. In my estimation this is upbeat Cure at its best.

89. Poor Places: Wilco; Yankee Hotel Foxtrot Wilco really push their sound here, I dig the experimentation on this one. The song starts out pretty normal then about half way through the musical freak show starts to take over, by the end of the song chaos reigns as a British chick repeats the phrase Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, over and over, etc. again.

88. Ocean Breathes Salty: Modest Mouse; Good News For People Who Love Bad News Cool guitar (a MM signature), a Beatlesque keyboard, and lyrics about wasting the afterlife. I would file this under, dark pop gem.

87. Reptilia: The Strokes; Room on Fire I think most people liked Is This It better but I'm a fan of ROF, I think it's a far superior album. Great bass work and new wavey sounding guitar on this song. Also I'm a fan of Julian Casablancas' drunken talk/scream vocal delivery.

86. High Fidelity: Daft Punk; Homework Lounge/House music that I can continually listen to. I wish they'd play songs like this in some of the cheesy-ass clubs I sometimes frequent, It'd help make them less cheesy.

85. Spottieottiedopalicious: Outkast; Aquemini Damn...a seven minute hip-hop opus? Only Outkast could pull off a song like this. Wins the award for best song name as well, plus "Her neck was smelling sweeter than a plate of yams w/ extra syrup" I really need to try that one out sometime. Aquemini, in my opinion, is Outkast's masterpiece, a top 5 album of all-time.

84. A Clean Break (Let's Work): Talking Heads; The Name of This Band is Talking Heads An unbelievable live performance, this almost sound like it was done in the studio (minus clapping, etc.). The band is super tight, and the last minute of the song David Byrne goes off, like only he can.

83. Rebel Rebel: David Bowie; Best of Bowie One of the more straightforward rockers out of the Bowie canon, but nonetheless a timeless classic.

82. Ambulance: Blur; Think Tank Life without Graham Coxon starts out with a bang. This song just gains momentum as it progresses. World inflected and very experimental, I don't really know another band that could make a song like this sound so phenomenal.

81. Big Mouth Strikes Again: The Smiths; The Best of the Smiths, Vol. 2 A fast paced song with great lyrics about Joan of Arc's walkman/hearing aid melting (Morrissey is totally hilarious when he wants to be). Johnny Marr is as good as ever here.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Incoming: thegardenserpent


The dude above is thegardenserpent, he's the third cousin of thecobrasnake. He doesn't quite hit "cool" hipster parties every night like his more "successful" cousin, but he did just get a Sprint PM-A740 camera phone. He won't be able to take as many pictures, or be able to post these party pics as that often as thecobrasnake, but when he does he'll do it right here on the cultgoespop blogger site. You've been forewarned, so be on the lookout because you might just get gardenserpented right up the side of the head.

Underworld: an excerpt

I was very recently trying to explain to some buddies of mine that they should check out some of Don Delillo's work. I don't think I did a very good job of explaining how great a writer Delillo is so I'm going to put the last paragraph of his magnus opus Underworld here. In my mind Delillo is the literally equivalent of Muhammad Ali. You can judge for yourself, hope you enjoy.
"And you can glance out the window for a moment, distracted by the sound of small kids playing a made-up game in a neighbor's yard, some kind of kickball maybe, and they speak in your voice, or piggyback races on the weedy lawn, and it's your voice you hear, essentially, under the glimmerglass sky, and you look at the things in the room, offscreen, unwebbed, the tissued grain of the deskwood alive in light, the thick lived tenor of things, the argument of things to be seen and eaten, the apple core going sepia in the lunch tray, and the dense measures of experience in a random glance, the monk's candle reflected in the slope of the phone, hours marked in Roman Numerals, and the glaze of wax, and the curl of the braided wick, and the chipped rim of the mug that holds your yellow pencils, skewered all crazy, and the plied lives of the simplest surface, the slabbed butter melting on the crumbled bun, and the yellow of the yellow of the pencils, and you try to image the word on the screen becoming a thing in the world, taking all its meanings, its sense of serenities and contentments out into the streets somehow, its whisper of reconciliation, a word extending itself ever outward, the tone of agreement or treaty, the tone of repose, the sense of mollifying silence, the tone of hail and farewell, a word that carries the sunlit ardor of an object deep in drenching noon, the argument of binding touch, but it's only a sequence of pulses on a dullish screen and all it can do is make you pensive-a word that spreads a longing through the raw sprawl of the city and out across the dreaming bourns and orchards to the solitary hills. Peace."
editor's note: Don't worry I'm not going to start going all serious on you guys. Soon I'll have a post about how we need to kill Ryan Seacrest.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Favorite 100 Songs List: 100-91

Lists are a major reason I was pumped about starting this whole blog thing. Here's my favorite 100 songs from my cd collection, I'll give the song title, artist, and album that I pulled it from. Fell free to enjoy and criticize.

100. Oily Water: Blur; Modern Life is Rubbish Horror show guitar histrionics from Graham Coxon throughout. Damon Albarn sounds like he's singing through a megaphone. I think the oily water in question is some bad acid. Blur really excels when they push their sound towards the experimental as they do on this song.

99. Into the Groove:Madonna; Immaculate Collection The 80's were all about parastroika, blow, and Madonna. Love or hate her (mostly hate now) she was THE cultural icon for the MTV generation. Also I like this song so it's #99. The greatest thing about Madonna is the sheer number of high comedy moments she's supplied us with over the years; talking w/ a faux British accent for 5 or so years, writing children "Lit.", and Swept Away, to count just a few.

98. Ana NG: They Might Be Giants; Best of 120 Minutes vol. 1 Wow, amazon doesn't have a link to this cd, but they do for volume 2 so I just put that up, it's an excellent cd too. Anyway weird lyrics, great guitar work, a fast-paced sort of "rocker?" (kind of). Just remember, "I don't want the world, I just want your hat"

97. Guilt is a Useless Emotion: New Order; Waiting for the Sirens Call 20 some odd years into their career and a classic NO song. All great NO trademarks here danceable, catchy as hell, great bass work.

96. Mezzanine: Massive Attack; Mezzanine These guys pretty much invented trip-hop (a genre I'm cool with) w/ their album Blue Lines. This song is a slow builder it really starts to take off three minutes in and it closes like a thoroughbred. Dark and menacing, I'd love to get a lap dance to this song.

95. Too Far Apart: Wilco; A.M. I bet Tom Petty is pretty jealous about this song. Perfect bar rock from Wilco's first release, one of my favorite album enders of all-time.

94. The Undefeated: Super Furry Animals; Phantom Power Mix in an islandish groove, menacing guitar, some horns, electronic blips, and machine gun fire, it somehow works to near perfection.

93. The Negotiation Limerick File: Beastie Boys; Hello Nasty This is the song they'd play at one of those block-style type parties that I imagine they have in Brooklyn, to get the place jumpin or crunk or what have you. Hello Nasty was a great album, too bad To the 5 Boroughs was a piece of shit.

92. Shudder, King of Snake: Underworld; Beaucoup Fish I won't lie to you I really like house music. I imagine it's akin to liking disco in the 70's, meaning all of your friends hate it and you become an easy target for ridicule. So be it, I like it damnit! And this song makes me want to eat 2 rolls and put a glow stick in my mouth.

91. I Wanna Be Adored: The Stone Roses; Complete Stone Roses A heavy bass line and lyrics about the devil, a combustible combination. What I really appreciate about this song though is the honesty in the lyrics, most people want to be adored, but they wouldn't tell you that.

Friday, July 15, 2005

I'll take wide left

I'm headed to New Orleans next Thursday(more on this later), I only hope and pray that hurricane Emily continues on her expected path. Landfall is set for next Wednesday so I should be OK, but this is a little too close for comfort for my liking. Since New Orleans is below sea level the results of getting hit by a hurricane would be catastrophic. Let's hope this never happens b/c the big sleazy is truly a great destination for those of us interested in debaucery.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Potter mania


Too bad the title isn't pot mania, then maybe this post would be a bit more interesting. Here's an on-line story about how the new Pope criticized Harry Potter a couple of years back. That shit isn't not going to really matter though b/c Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is going to drop like it's hot this Saturday. The first run print is around 11 million copies or so, only about 9 million copies more than the first print for a John Gresham novel.

The reason I bring this up is b/c the Potter series really got me interested in reading again after I finished college (what a collective awww how sweet moment, sorry let me try and correct that). And reading is totally fucking awesome, in one book I read a dominatrix shit down a guy's mouth and made him eat it. So I'm excited to pick the book on Saturday although it may be awhile until I get around to reading it (I'm about 1/2 through infinite jest the hilarious, amoungst countless other things, book that supplied my cheerful quote for this site, anyway it's going to be a while before I'm done with it).

If you haven't read any Potter yet, I recommend that you start. Hmmm, now that I'm finishing this post I wonder who would win in a wizard duel between young Harry and this guy? From what I've read they both seem to talented wizards/warlocks who have run into some pretty crazy wizardry type shit. Harry has defeated Lord Voldemort on countless occasions, but the other guy, at least I'm about 50% sure, had a hole drilled in his head. I'm no oddsmaker but my money is on the dude wielding the hatchet.

So in conclusion, Catholics 0: J.K. Rowling 1,000,000,000.000 dollars or so.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The designated driver: Urban legend?


Designated drivers do not exist, I'm positive of this fact. Sure someone may occasionally pack about 8-10 people in their Escort and drop them off at the bar, but this hardly qualifies. Have you or anyone you know actually driven a bunch of drunken maniacs around for an entire night out on the town? Fuck no, because that would be insane. I love the commercial where there are four dudes hanging out (in really well lit, very yuppie looking establishments) and one dude flips the other guy the keys to the car, they all kind of laugh and pat the one dude who's driving on the shoulder. What alternate universe is this commercial set in? If this happened in real life bad shit would go down because the dude who you flipped the keys to would definitely not be a designated driver because they don't exist you may be able to convince him to drive later but he'd probably be on his eighth or ninth gin-and-tonic and have a DUI or two under his belt so flipping him the keys would be a pretty dick move and soon afterwards a fight would ensue.

Anyway just interested if you have ever been a DD or know anyone else who has, for one night. Also how the fuck is Odoul's beer still around? All the beer taste w/o those pesky mind-altering effects.

Get your Poker on



Poker is not a fad. In this year's World Series of Poker main event over 5,600 people entered the event with dreams of winning the 7.5 million dollar first place prize. There are currently under 50 people left competing for the prize. All this info. and more about this can be found by clicking here.

I've been playing poker for a little over a year now and I don't plan to stop anytime soon. The one advantage that poker as an activity, has over say, other activities like horseshoes or lawndarts is that it is a potentially addictive hobby. I'm all for that, addictive hobbies rule. This little inherent loophole also ensures that poker will not end up as some trendy fad.

The girl on your left needs no introduction, she's a poker fanatic who made it to the second day of play in this year's WSOP. She outlasted around 3,600 or so other rounders, not bad at all. Still not as impressive as her acting chops put on full display in American Pie, but I digress.

The guy on the right is Phil Ivey, a poker phenom (as touted in a recent ESPN promo for the WSOP). I met Ivey in March 2004 outside the Golden Nugget Casino. I say met, it was more like he pulled up to the Nugget in his pimp-ass car had the valets park it and walked by me, I said hey to him and shook his hand. I bring this up because I ended up winning about $1,200 for the trip, fucking killing the Nugget at Blackjack (I bought an iPod w/ said winnings). I haven't faired so well on my subsequent trips out to Vegas, so I think shaking Ivey's hand gave me some sort of super gambling strength/luck. Anyway I hope the dude wins it b/c he is sort of indirectly responsible for me owning an iPod.

editor's note: be sure to check out aquariumdrunk, kick-ass radio blog thingy he's got running over there. I'm listening to a song called Bonnie and Clyde by Luna for the third time in row now as I type this.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

MTV: "But what do you picture when you envision your generation?"


"At its worst? Two hundred dead-ass kids dressed like extras from The Crow dancing to C+C
Music Factory." Victor Ward

Monday, July 11, 2005

Athletes: Worst music taste ever?

I just flipped on ESPN to check out the home run derby. What do I see when I get there, but Johnny Damon and Mike Piazza "rocking" out onstage with Alter Bridge. For those of you who don't know who Alter Bridge are, good for you, they are the douche rockets who used to be in Creed. A deep and lasting chill went up my spine. Athletes have the worst fucking taste in music ever. I went to the Cubs vs. Braves game last Tuesday and when the players go up to bat 1 of 3 song types accompany them to the plate...

A. Annoying Rap song: I like some rap, but not "Hot in herre" by fucking Nelly.

B. Latin Song: I understand many baseball players hail from Latin America, so the song will obviously be in Spanish. I just wish they wouldn't compound the problem of me not understanding the Spanish language by playing a cheesy, superdisco-techa, latin-house influenced song. This is the worst genre of music ever invented.

C. Late 1990's early 2010's "New Rock" music: Creed, 3 Doors Down, Nickelback, Staind, Puddle of Mud, Limp Biscuit, Linkin Park, Matchbox 20, Hoobastank, Saliva, etc,etc,etc. In-fucking-excusable.

Everytime these assholes come up to the plate it's always some of the above-mentioned horseshit music. I know they only play the song for like ten seconds, but that ten seconds is plenty enough to piss me off. The home-run derby/Alter Bridge incident just confirmed my belief that athletes should stop listening to music. Just fucking give up guys, it's obviously a lost cause for you, you just don't get it.

No they didn't



I recently got an e-mail from a friend about how they banned smoking 24/7 in Athens, Georgia. I didn't get the whole article b/c I was to lazy to register for the Athens Herald Banner on-line. Anyway he does an excellent job with details and outrage...

Just reading in the Athens paper about the new 24-7 smoking ban that just went into effect in the Classic City and includes bars. What a joke. Here's a quote from the story explaining why: "People should not have to deal with secondhand smoke to enjoy a night out on the town," said Derrick Gable, tobacco use prevention program coordinator for the Northeast Health District. I'm sorry, but at what point did a bar become a health club? Here's a newsflash: People who sit at a bar slugging whiskey and Cokes are not concerned about their health. Hypocrisy at it's finest. While you're at a bar wrecking your liver, please take care of your lungs. Besides, anyone who says they won't go into a bar because it's smokey needs to be kicked in the nuts and sent home. Fucking pussy. It's a bar. A BAR!

If this happened in Athens, expect it to effect your corner of the woods soon, it it hasn't already.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

A Don Hughes/Johnny Ballon movie pitch (#1)

"Welcome Back Kotter: Kotter Redux"
DH: First we get either Josh Hartnett, Orlando Bloom, or Heath Ledger to play Vinnie Barbarino.
JB: Which ever one of those guys can best pull off a Brooklyn type accent. We're sort of crossing our fingers on this one but I'm positive one of them can do it.

DH: Ok, so Barbarino is going to get accused of killing a janitor, or some shit right. And Mr. Kotter played by none other than, get this, John Travolta.
JB: I bet Quentin Tarantino has a hard-on right now. That shit is so genius and fucking meta and totally bankable and shit.
DH: Well Mr. Kotter, to pay for Barbarino's legal counsel, has to go to Las Vegas and enters and wins the World Series of Poker main event to pay the legal fees.
JB: And get this, we get Gabe Kaplan to play Alan Dershowitz, I bet QT just fucking shot himself right now, In the fucking head.
DH: You guys know Gabe Kaplan is a successful poker pro now right? Well he sure as fuck is!
JB: Totally meta, meta, meta, meta, meta, meta, meta! The fucking kids love that meta shit nowadays, that shit sells.
DH: Anyhow so we're in trial and shit right. Big suspenseful courtroom drama type scenes pulling in the Law&Order/CSI/Crime show drama demographic right fucking there! But in the end the verdict is a hung trial, so in lieu of another trial the judge...
JB: Played by none other than Judge fucking Ito!!!
DH: So Judge Ito allows for a dance off between the prosecutor and Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington to decide Barbarino's fate.
JB: Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington is played by none other than Justin Timberlake. This little casting move will totally wrangle all that suburban wigger disposable income that will buy us all fucking YACHTS!
DH: So Freddie of course wins the dance off and saves Barbarino.
JB: In the meantime during the dance off Washington is able to save Juan Epstein's family's mobile Papaya Juice Cart Business.
DH: Yeah the whole Epstein family Papaya cart issue is a totally typically non-racist Hollywood subplot.
JB: Totally not racist at all, and it will kill with anyone who likes J-lo.
DH: We get Wilder Valderamma to play Juan Epstein.
JB: He fucked Lindsay Lohan! So we'll be able to get anybody who's ever wanted to fuck Lindsay Lohan to see this movie!
DH: Am I forgetting anything?
JB: Horshack.
DH: Horshack, right... We'll get DJ Qualls and stick a fucking wig on him. Then we'll have him see dead people or some shit like that.
JB: That totally brings in the M. Night Shyamalan demo.
DH: And here's the kicker, in the end the audience finds out that Barbarino actually did kill the janitor. A huge twist ending that no one was expecting. Kind of like Primal Fear or something.
JB: I saw Primal Fear like 4 or 5 times during the first weekend, I own the fucking DVD, the pricey special edition with the deleted scenes.
DH: Harvey Weinstein is going to have us on speed dial after this!
JB: This will make Star Wars look like Bio-dome!
editor's note: Don Hughes is a major Hollywood player/Johnny Ballon is a former pet agent who now resides in Hell. This was post was in green, the color of money.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

UNITY...I don't think so


I just saw an ad for the new 3-cheese insider pizza from pizza hut. "Queen" fucking Latifah was pleading with me to eat this thing backwards, crust first. This got me thinking back to when Ween made a hilarious song for an ad campaign that was supposed to run for the insider pizza a couple of years back. Only the higherups at PepsiCo weren't so jazzed when Ween delivered the initial song for the ad campaign. I quickly hopped on the computer and went to ween.com only to be horrified that the link to the song(s) were no longer on their site. I've been scouring the internet to try to find links to these songs and I was only able to find a link to the first song. If anyone can find a link to the second version please let me know (that is if anyone actually knows that this site exists yet) because it is sheer comic gold I tell you. Anyway I'm just wondering if "Queen" gets stock options or just a bunch of free insider crust pizza, I'm willing bet on option #2.

So...









I've decided to start a blog. My main interests will be in regards to the vast and ever-growing world of pop culture. I'll give my opinions on shit like music, movies, lit., commercials, and other things people obsess over instead of doing work in their cubicles. This blog will also focus on important topics like gambling, sports, and gambling on sports. I am also not some type of monarch, so I am open to your opinions on how to improve the site. I'm happy to listen to and implement any ideas that will produce more hits. For instance if you e-mailed me and convinced me that focusing this blog on beastiality and Satanism would send more people my way consider it done. Reason being is I want to become a blogging traffic whore. If you, the people, want content about people fucking chipmunks and then ritualistically sacrificing them to the dark lord, shit we can change it up because I'm an open-minded laid-back type-of-dude. Thanks.
editor's note: No Chipmunks were harmed during this post, don't worry though we can change that if need be.

Mission Statement

The mission of this blogspot will be to act as a self-serving vehicle to promote my increasingly pessimistic outlook on all facets of life.