same as it ever was (talking heads)

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Dear Overzealous Radiohead Fan

Listen, I love Radiohead too. They are definitely one of my top ten favorite bands. I think OK Computer and Kid A are genius albums, and they may have put on one of the best live shows I've ever seen, but unlike you ORF (overzealous radiohead fan) I realize that there was music BEFORE radiohead, and there will be music AFTER radiohead. Let me first explain this situation to some of you who may be uninitiated with this growing ORF problem.

The ORF's are the people who think all music not made by Radiohead is inferior, based on the simple fact that Radiohead didn't make it. No matter what Radiohead releases it's brilliant and groundbreaking, it's not even up to discussion with an ORF. An ORF will tell you with a straight face that Amnesiac is the fourth best album of all time (behind of course three other Radiohead albums). You don't want to talk to these people under any circumstance (unless maybe you're on fire and they are the only person who can put the fire out). They are easily spotted.

First when you attend a Radiohead concert there will be about 40 or 50 ORF's dressed exactly like Thom Yorke. Now you don't want to talk to any of these people but make sure you have as many of them in eyesight when Radiohead busts out "Idioteque"(One of my favorite songs of all-time highly ranked on the list, also the comical highlight of Radiohead's live show, keep reading). When Yorke goes into his "person having cardiac arrest b/c of massive crack overdose" dance, these dudes will try and mimic it. There friends will even give them room so they can do the crack dance (these assholes are also ORF's). If you haven't seen this dance it the worst "dance" in the history of the world (not hyperbole). I think that the other band members must really hate Yorke, so they don't tell him how awful this crack dance is.

Yorke: "Hey mates, how was me dancin tonight?"
Rest of Band (trying to contain knee-buckling laughter): "Great mate!"

Anyway these ORF's who dress like Yorke think this is the coolest dance in the world, make sure you're watching when they replicate it. Fucking hysterical.

The other ORF's will be dressed in green army fatigue hipster jackets with the hipster glasses on, looking all-around super hipsterish. They will look completely bored as hell. This group will comprise about 60% of the audience.

So the show will be great and all and you think you've escaped the ORF's, you have, just make sure you don't go and read the reviews of the show you went at greenplastic.com

Typical ORF review:
Oh my god there are no words to describe the transcendent, magical, life-affirming(altering), religious (if I believed in God which I totally don't) experience that was Radiohead in concert tonight. This was the most important artistic event in the history of the world. Fuck Picasso, The Beatles (they totally ripped off Radiohead) Stanley Kubrick, or any other loser who has tried to create something artistic in their entire life-time. It was just so politically inspirational too, fuck Gandhi and MLK jr. When Thom busted into Idioteque I was so right there with him, I almost passed out, I was in a frenzy, all my friends backed up and gave me space to dance, there were abunch of people looking at me, I bet I looked so much like Thom. The one thing that sucked of course, was the rest of the crowd, they were fucking idiots, they were drinking and loud. Typical assholes. Anyway, Amnesiac is the best album EVER and my girlfriend thinks Colin Greenwood is hot, I agree, I'd even let her fuck him.

This is no joke people, warn others, hopefully we can spread the word to others about the ORF's so more of us can make fun of them.

6 Comments:

Anonymous elliott said...

sample post from that website:

There is no way to put into words...what was witnessed tonight. So I'm not going to try. I"m in a higher place...we got "Creep" but that is not all. Thom is mad man, Johnny is a genius, Colin rocked out, Ed danced away, Phil...well what can we say about Phil he is just amazing plan and simple......I'm speechless....I can now 'Go to Sleep' happily for a change. So I will...Goodnight

Thursday, August 11, 2005 10:11:00 AM

 
Blogger CHW said...

Puh-leeze! These people need to get a life. I mean, we all love certain bands, but when you start becoming exclusive -- well, just bugger off!

Thursday, August 11, 2005 5:11:00 PM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

Great research done there elliot. That one was bad, but they can get much worse than that. I from time to time like reading greenplastic for a good laugh. Like I said before I really do like Radiohead, but their hardcore fans suck balls they start to ruin shit for everyone else. I thought of a funny way I should have ended my fake ORF post (WWRhD?).

Thursday, August 11, 2005 6:26:00 PM

 
Blogger Brent said...

Same can be said for U2 fans.

Friday, August 12, 2005 7:09:00 AM

 
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