same as it ever was (talking heads)

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Death Day: Elvis Presley

Twenty-eight years ago today on August 16, 1977 Elvis Presley died at his home in Memphis, Tennessee. Personally I'm more of a Beatles guy than an Elvis guy, but that still doesn't discount the enormous music and cultural impact that Elvis had on America and the world. Today I'd just like to make some suggestions on how we can commemorate Elvis' death day.

Step 1: After work drive to your closest local chain fried chicken establishment (KFC, Popeye's, etc., it doesn't really make all that much difference). Order a bucket of chicken, if there is an option for extra-crispy chicken go ahead and purchase this. Make sure you only get the bucket, don't worry about getting any other side items.

Step 2: Before arriving at home stop by your local liquor store and purchase a 1.75 liter of Jack Daniels. (steps one and two can be interchanged if need be, it's really up to your personal decision and geographical convenience)

Step 3: When arriving home stop by your neighbor's house, the one who recently got in that bad dirt bike accident. Pretend you need to borrow something of his (you can freestyle here but make sure it's difficult to find send them on a five to ten minute search), once he or more likely his wife, he'll probably still be unable to walk by this point, goes to search for your item say that you need to use the restroom. Once in the bathroom rifle through the medicine cabinet until you find his bottle of Xanax, pocket at least five or six of these. (Vicodin or Percocet will work if that's all he's got)

Step 4: After eating about six or seven pieces of chicken and drinking half or so of the bottle of liquor and consuming three or four of the OTC narcotics, go to the closest Karaoke joint. Do a rendition of "Suspicious Minds". If you're not into Karaoke, don't worry, by this point the Xanax and Jack will help you get over any sort of lingering stage fright or inability to sing that may have left you hesitant in the past.

Step 5: Once back home make sure you locate a firearm (handgun preferable). Fire off about four to five rounds into the TV and then pass out.

Step 6: The next day after you wake up write a letter to your congressman demanding that August 16th is made a national holiday. I'm sure everyone would love to have the day off from work to celebrate The King's death day by re-creating the steps that I have laid out for you here.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Max said...

How could you leave Churchs Chicken out of step one. I know you said "it doesn't really make a difference" but you gotta include Churchs... Come on!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005 7:36:00 PM

 
Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

I'm mapquesting a Popeye's chicken right now.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005 5:06:00 PM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

Popeye's is a solid place, they've definitely upgraded their locals in the local ATL area w/in the past year. Sorry about the Church's snafu Maxwell but that would of course work as well.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005 5:40:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work film editing classes

Friday, March 16, 2007 7:16:00 PM

 

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