same as it ever was (talking heads)

Thursday, August 04, 2005

If eccentric multi-Billionaire I'd


1. In a one week time-span date and break up with Paris Hilton, Nikki Hilton, Tara Reid, Bijou Phillips, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, The Olsen Twins, Jessica Biel, Jamie Pressley, Christina Aguilera, and Fiona Apple. I'd marry Britney Spears (quickly getting a divorce) and have Kevin Federline killed. On second thought, maybe I wouldn't kill Federline, instead I'd force him to do a remake of Ice Ice Baby thereby pissing off everyone else (I'd direct the video and there'd be cameos from Urkel, Webster, Rog from "What's Happening?", Marky Mark, and OJ Simpson) then my dirty work would be handled for me. Or maybe I'd have him killed, it'd be a coin-flip.

2. Live exclusively in 5 star hotels.

3. Purchase the Chicago Cubs and buy up all the free agent talent in the league. This would lead the Cubbies to their first World Series Championship since 1908. Instead of sit in the owner's box, I'd attend every home game incognito and sit out with the bleacher bums, get 21st b-day drunk, and actively try to get ejected from any game that the Cubs were losing.

4. No longer say the words: Thursday, helicopter, sewing, shell-fish, the, happy, sad, pizza, hamburger, hamburger-helper, 8-track, diversify, sharp, buzz-word, routine, and, I, you, cat, or.

5. Get rid of interpretive dance, synchronized swimming, Cher.

6. Speak only on rotary phones.

If I think of more shit, I may let you know.

editor's note: I'd like to publicly thank Martin McFriend for the link on his post today. People who read this be sure to check all the links under check it, worthwhile stuff.

11 Comments:

Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

there are people who could get rid of Cher regardless of billionaire status

Friday, August 05, 2005 2:31:00 AM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

Unfortunatly, I think Cher may be similar to the cockroach. She could possibly survive a nuclear holocaust. I'm thinking this b/c anyone who still has a fan base after that, do you believe, song has signed some sort of deal w/ Satan himself.

Friday, August 05, 2005 7:34:00 AM

 
Anonymous Chops said...

Chops here. Adding Fiona Apple was a nice, unexpected entry to the list. That cute angry little thing.

Friday, August 05, 2005 8:52:00 AM

 
Anonymous bones said...

If I were a billionare, I'd date Cher. A night with me, and she'd be so depressed she'd never want to appear in public again. Plus, then I'd be able to say I slept with an alien. We'd all be winners!

Friday, August 05, 2005 10:53:00 AM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

Fiona Apple, so cute and angry and in need of some sort of supersized value meal from a fast-food establishment. I guess the Cher thing struck a chord, I'm glad everyone else despises her as much as me.

Friday, August 05, 2005 1:20:00 PM

 
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