same as it ever was (talking heads)

Thursday, September 29, 2005

The CGP interview #1, "Bozo" the clown

CGP: Bozo, thanks for joining me today, on the telephone. You really came through last minute for us, we were trying to get "Krusty" but he's doing community service...again. Anyway, glad you could be here.
Bozo: Thanks for having me.
CGP: Let me get right to the point, I'm deathly afraid of clowns. The file photo that I have of you is going to give nightmares tonight. How many kids do you think had to see child psychologists because of you and your ilk?
Bozo: Well, I don't think any. Wasn't this supposed to be a soft profile piece?
CGP: I had a "surprise" birthday party at McDonald's when I was twelve. Ronald McDonald brought the cake out and I started to cry. He laughed and said it was "Ok there fella, there's nothing to be afraid of". I kicked him in the nuts and ran out to the car.
Bozo: Isn't twelve a little old to be having birthday parties at McDonald's?
CGP: This interview isn't about me, Ok! Quit dodging the question. Why is it that kids are always crying around clowns? Huh, balloon man? You guys really don't seem so funny to most kids, or adults for that matter, that I run into.
Bozo: Weren't we supposed to talk about my TV show?
CGP: Your TV show, right. Ok, example number one. Let's take the grand prize game. Throw a fucking ping-pong ball into a bucket, how hard can that be? Let me tell you, it's not hard Ok! But how far would people get? Like the average had to be to the second bucket, those kids were horrified of you and that evil motherfucker Cookie. They fucking threw the game just to get away from out sick motherfuckers.
Bozo: I'm doing birthday parties now, if you can please pass that along to your audie...
CGP: Oh, you would like to come over to our houses, huh clown? Ever seen Poltergeist? How about It? John Wayne Casey, he was a fucking clown asshole! Hello, hello Bozo, are you still there?

editor's note: CGP would like to apologize for his behavior in the interview. Some real deep seeded and obviously unresolved clown issues floating around. Up next though, Jack Nicholson!


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