same as it ever was (talking heads)

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

A Don Hughes/Johnny Ballon movie pitch (#4)

The Golden (Shower) Girls
DH: The Golden Girls, a classic 80's sitcom about old broads sitting around bitching about knitting and cats.
JB: Fucking monster ratings though, ripe for a re-make, like now.
DH: Yeah, but who wants to see some menopausal chicks sunning in Boca Raton and eating dinner at 4 in the afternoon?
JB: Well some people do.
DH: That's right, I forgot, the old, well, in the previews we sneak some footage in from that movie On Golden Pond, show some clips with Kat Hepburn, fool the shit out of them. An easily fooled, and key market demo for this film.
JB: Yeah, shit if they're going to give all of their money to the televangelists and bingo, we may as well get a piece of that pie too. What the fuck else are they going to spend it on, shuffleboard? Fucking bocce ball? Fuck that, they can spend it on a film about a bunch of chicks who like to get pissed on! Am I right?
DH: Fuck yeah you're right, a bunch of hot-ass horny chicks who are total sluts and who probably already get pissed on anyway! I'm talking casting this shit now. We got two obvious shoe-ins for lead Golden Shower Girls, Tara and Paris. The third can either be Bijou Phillips or Nicole Ritchie.
JB: Yeah and the older Golden Shower Chick is Pam Anderson. I was at this party last year at Tommy Lee's place and he showed us all an extended version of the sex video that he and Pam leaked, and well, he pisses on her in that one.
DH: They were swimming in the water though right?
JB: Yeah, but I believe him, he's a solid guy. You've seen his reality show right, he's IN COLLEGE, he's got A HOT TUTOR!! It's HILARIOUS!!
DH: Fuck yeah, solid thinktank work by the FOX guys there. Anyway back to the golden shower broads. Fucking major hit here. Sure, we've seen most of these chicks get banged (or banged them ourselves) but have we seen them get pissed on afterwards? I don't think so!
JB: Well, Don, Tara Reid is in the movie.
DH: OK, excluding Tara Reid, most of us haven't seen these chicks get pissed on or pissed on them ourselves.
JB: But who wouldn't really like to see Tara Reid get pissed on again?
DH: Great point. We've got some more creative casting too! Original Golden Girl Bea Arthur! According to everyone at the Pam Anderson Comedy Central Roast, she's got a dick! We can have her piss on the Golden Shower Chicks, cinematic history here.
JB: Besides old people, who would want to see this you ask? Have you by any chance had to use the bathroom today? Oh, really you have. You had to take a piss? Oh you've taken a three!!! already!!!
DH: This is what we're talking about here, everyone has to piss, like every fucking day, there isn't a bigger demographic than that! Everyone is included!
JB: Even if you're one of the few people who haven't pissed on Tara, you've still taken a piss, so you can relate too!
DH: Exactly, I can see it now!! I think I'll buy a golden toilet with the points I score off this hit!
JB: Were you just reading my mind? Fucking psychic shit going on here.
editor's note: Don and Johnny would like to apologize to any member of Tara Reid's immediate family. Not for their insensitive comments in this post, but for the fact that they (the family, not Don and Johnny for heaven's sake) are related to her in the first place.


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Tuesday, September 13, 2005 8:59:00 PM

Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

have you seen that same pic from that night of tara reid? the one with her ass hanging out?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 10:58:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

No.. but i'd like to.. please post it..

-U2 Sucks donkey balls

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 5:39:00 PM

Blogger cgpop said...

Hell's yeah I saw that pic. she needed some Lipo or something. Is "Sucks donkey balls" the new term the kids are using for totally awesome these days?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 5:48:00 PM

Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

tara reid is an uber whore, reminds me of the girls at East/West in college.

Thursday, September 15, 2005 8:30:00 PM


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