same as it ever was (talking heads)

Thursday, September 01, 2005

The "WAR ON DRUGS", a personal reflection

Oh geez, where to start. How about, "This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs". Cue pissed off lady breaking an egg on a frying pan and cooking the everliving shit out of it. "Any questions?" Well yes miss, I have a couple for you. First off you must realize that this is the 1980's and I'm about eight years old and of course watching Television unsupervised. See, the thing is, we haven't quite studied metaphor in the second grade yet, so when my mom tries to to serve my breakfast of bacon and eggs I run screaming from the room and lock myself in the upstairs closet. I'm really hoping that this obvious devil-woman, mom, doesn't try to force-feed me any drugs, eggs, see. I feel I may be already addicted is the problem, I just love omelets and quiche. I hate my parents, they've turned me into an eight year old junkie.

Fast forward to third grade. After much expensive therapy, I'm not longer convinced that eggs are drugs. We have a "Just Say to Drugs" rally at our school. It's some sort of ultra-expensive government program to deter kids from using drugs, headed by none other than cool incarnate, Nancy Reagan? Nancy Reagan, isn't she like a 110 years old? lagjfjwaof;jfoi;jFJLFIFJA (excuse me, a slight coughing fit there, where was I) Not exactly Corey Haim or Jon Bon Jovi in my book, I wonder if those guys do drugs. Anyway I guess I'm missing class and all. What the fuck is this? Is this a headband? I know my teacher is telling us all to put these on, but forget that, it looks gay. Plus, I know I'm only in third grade but what thinktank came up with the slogan "Just Say No"? I could have thought of that in about two seconds. Plus I'm supposed to just say no to about everything in my life, like strangers, and too much candy, bad manners at the dinner table. It might be fun to say yes to something. I wonder how much this all actually cost?

Ten or so years later. Wow, I've really got to take a piss. Man, I may miss the start of the second half if I go now. Fuck it, I've really got to go. Good, no line. Let me unzip, there we go, whew, feeling better. Good game, may as well glance down at the old buddy check out how he's looking. What the fuck is that? What the fuck does that say? Does it say, SAY NO TO DRUGS, on the pissing mat? It fucking can't say that. Let me finish up and get a better look. HOLY SHIT! It does says, SAY NO TO DRUGS, on the fucking urinal mat. And I just pissed on it. And everybody who had and has to piss (still unbelievably today) in a urinal pisses on an a mat that has an anti-drug message on it. I always like to ponder this important message of saying no to drugs before unleashing a two minute piss all over it. This is an even worse idea than those stupid headbands from third grade that eventually made me want to take drugs so bad.

Eight years later, chilling in my living room watching some TV. What commercial is this? Is that a car at a fast-food drive-thru window? Wow the sidewalk in this commercial is directly in front of the drive-thru, the cars leaving this drive-thru pretty much have to drive over the sidewalk to go anywhere, never, in my life, have I seen a drive-thru like that before. Is that smoke coming from the car? Are the kids in the car supposed to be smoking pot? Yeah I think they are. Oh man they took off pretty quick, wait there's a five year old riding a bicycle down the sidewalk that's directly in front of the drive-thru. The kid's five years old and riding down a busy street past the most dangerous drive-thru exit in the history of mankind? This must be the worst case of parenting I've ever seen in my life. Someone should call social services on those parents. Oh wait the the five year old on the bike got hit by the kids smoking pot in the car. The government is now informing me this will and does happen to people who smoke pot? Hmm, insulting people's intelligence will probably make them stop smoking pot, or doing any drug for that matter, yeah, works like a charm. I bet people all around the country who see this ad are flushing their 8 balls down the toilet. I wonder, how much this ad campaign cost? Fuck, I'm kinda hungry.


Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

The War, On Drugs


Friday, September 02, 2005 5:48:00 AM

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excellent post! love it.

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