same as it ever was (talking heads)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Jack Nicholson: CGP Interview

CGP: Everyone, it's a true honor to have as my next celebrity interview...Jack Nicholson!
Jack: Thanks, cgpop. Glad to be talking to you.
CGP: Tell me you're wearing sunglasses/
Jack: Course.
CGP: And are you inside?
Jack: I'm not here to disappoint.
CGP: That's so cool!
Jack: I heard you ran into some problems with Bozo the Clown. I've never much trusted carneys myself.
CGP: That Bozo is one twisted son-of-a-bitch. But enough about me and Bozo. Let's get down to business. Tell me you banged Michelle Pfeiffer.
Jack: Oh yeah, twice on the Witches of Eastwick set. My trailer of course.
CGP: Explain.
Jack: I really like my down time on the set...I don't like to be going places and doing stuff between shooting, so she shows up and asks if she can borrow some butter. I say to her, "Baby, come on sweetheart, you have assistants for that stuff, you just came by for a little Jack." Of course, I was right. Also three times on that stupid movie where I was wolf or whatever the hell that movie was.
CGP: The wolf movie and Witches of Eastwick, two true examples of wasted celluloid, I agree. So getting back to WOE, Cher was in that movie too, if I'm not mistaken.
Jack: Oh man, I know where this going.
CGP: Listen Jack, love you buddy, but I have to ask the hard questions here man.
Jack: I've publicly apologized many times for not have Cher killed while on the set of Witches.
CGP: Have you heard "Turn back Time"? Huh? I heard about 3 seconds on the radio last year and it was stuck in my head for a month. The vodka wasn't helping, the support groups, nada...Excuse me man, sorry about this, didn't mean to cry...let me compose myself...There, that's better, I'm sorry about that.
Jack: Listen man, I feel sorry for you. I'll let you in on a little secret. Since Witches I've had Cher killed dozens of times over. The crazy bitch just seems to somehow always survive, like Jason or Michael Myers. She'll survive nuclear genocide, mark my words.
CGP: Well I hope I die then in nuclear genocide because I don't think I could handle any one on one time with Cher. Truly frightening stuff.
Jack: I just wanted everyone to know that I realize there is a problem and I've tried to deal with it.
CGP: You're a saint among men. Switching gears, let's play some word association.
Jack: I'm game.
CGP: Lara Flynn Boyle
Jack: Crystal Meth
CGP: Crystal Meth, really? I thought the answer would be cocaine, but what do I know. Warren Beatty
Jack: Playboy.
CGP: No surprise there. Lorne Michaels.
Jack: Sycophant.
CGP: I had that written down as my guess, I really did. You guys make him the DD when you all hit the town right?
Jack: Course. I want to clear something up too. We don't call this guy either, he always somehow just ends up showing up.
CGP: righteous stuff Jack, I'm really sorry but my pre-paid minutes for the month are almost up so I'm going to have to end up the interview.
Jack: Those overages will kill you.
CGP: Thanks again, and always stay Jack...Jack.
Jack: You know it.

editor's note: CGP lied in his interview to Jack. He had star-fucker written down next to Lorne Michaels name, not sycophant.

4 Comments:

Blogger Laura said...

Oh that Jack Nicholson, what will he do next?

Sunday, October 23, 2005 3:28:00 PM

 
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Thursday, August 10, 2006 3:31:00 PM

 
Anonymous Wendi said...

Six Steps to Success
Throughout the centuries history tells of men and women with the midas touch, who achieved greatness against what seemed insurmountable odds. To some their successes appeared to be the result of blind luck, to others the reward for hard work, but the truth about the successes of men such as Andrew Carnagie and Henry Ford is much more interesting.

Success is a state of mind to which all people should aspire. Like many others you can unlock te gate to achievement and the fulfilment of yor personal desires. With the six steps outlined below anyone can arrive at a set destination, with the added advantage of renewed self-confidence and secure in the knowledge that every goal is attainable.
Step 1. Desire
The key factor involved in the process of achieving any desire lies in the response of one's mind to the objective. If a complacent attitude is apparent then there will be a lack of enthusiasm leading to failure or only half-success.
If a goal is to be reached determination is needed to carry set plans through to a successful conclusion. This determination must have enough mental 'weight' behind it to propel you forward onto the road of achievement. This mental state can only be instilled by one thing - desire!
As can be easily seen, when we look around us, it is this desire-force that has launched mankind on his frenzied zest for ever-new knowledge and has enabled him to push back the boundaries of science to never dreamed of achievement.

It is this same desire-force that must be used in our business and personal affairs if the success we seek is to materialize. It is not very hard to develop this kind of desire for all you have to do is go after what you really want - its that simple. With this desire you will have all the persistence you need to accomplish your goal. There is a great saying "you never fail until you give up"!
Take heed of what Napoleon Bonaparte said "What we ardently and constantly desire, we always get".

Step 2. Goals
If success is to come your must realise what is expected to materialize. This statement may seem obvious at first but if careful thought is given its meaning takes on deeper significance.
Many people fail to gain satisfactory results from their endeavours because they did not know what they wanted to accomplish in the first place. Your objective must not be hazy or incomplete. Before you reach your goal you must be able to identify how your life will be different when you achieve it. You must know exactly what it is that you want to achieve. How will your life be better/different? How will you feel? What way will you look? What situations will you find yourself in? Will other people in your life be effected and if so how will they react? You need a clear definite picture in your mind of what the attainment of your goal will mean to you.

Step 3. Belief
Belief is the back-up system of desire. It keep the fires of enthusiasm burning and makes us continually strive to get nearer the goal attainment. Faith can truly move mountains; the mountains of fear, inferiority, worry and low self esteem - 'the success killers'!
Once a goal is firmly fixed in mind and our desire-force is hurtling us toward seemingly insurmountable obstacles, the firm belief that we can gain a favourable outcome can spur us on to victory. When the mind has been manipulated to reflect this state, wonderful physical results can ensue, producing symptoms of success in our lives in every area imaginable.
Although many can attest to the power of belief and to the wondrous accomplishments that were achieved through nothing else except faith, it still remains that many individuals find it hard to believe that a positive outcome will be forthcoming when they are faced with momentous opposition. Whether the opposition is mental or physical the fact that nothing seems to be going right and everything seems to be wrong is enough for even the strongest of us to 'throw in the towel'. But it is in these very situations that faith can conquer all. Faith in yourself, what you are doing and belief that that your objective will be reached.
There are some who bemoan "easier said than done". This is exactly the kind of mental attitude that sustains the problems that they are trying to eradicate. If your belief power is not apparent, take hope for it can be acquired.
Each morning and night recite your intentions from a written list of your goals. Voice your belief in your own abilities. Tell yourself that in due course you will be successful. As you go about your daily affairs reflect as often as possible on your goals and affirm that they are yours now. Fool your mind into believing it and you will see your world reflect it!

Step 4. Plan
Having decided upon your goal and being determined to build your faith you need to give your desire-force a 'vehicle' through which it may materialize. This 'vehicle' will take the form of a definite plan of action.
Do you need to acquire certain skills? Do you need to know certain people or be in certain places to help you achieve your goal? Make a plan that will help you get closer to your end objective. Research your desires and get clear on what you need to do. Then do it!
Ensure that your plan is workable and realistic for you. Although your plan should remain flexible so that changes can be made when appropriate only make changes after careful consideration. Trial and error will eventually show the way to a good plan although you should be open to intuition also.
However, I should point out that, it is very likely your goal will materialize in a most unexpected way. The fact that you have set a plan for its accomplishment tends to set things in motion and like a chain reaction (or the butterfly effect) subtle changes made by you may cause dramatic changes elsewhere and your goal may come before your plan is completed.

Step 5. Visualization
Visualization is the art of creating mental movies of your completed goal. This has many beneficial effects upon your consciousness. Without going into the deeper esoteric benefits of using this art let me just say that you are truly designing your life when you use it. It has one other major benefit - it strengthens your desire and persistence because you momentarily experience the thrill of having achieved your goal!
Just form a mental picture of having achieved your goal. See what you will see. Feel how wonderful it will be. See how it effects everyone around you. Hear people congratulate you. When this state is experienced nothing will stop you in your quest for your objective and thus your belief-power will also be reinforced.

Step 6. The Subconscious Mind
It is within the subconscious part of your mind that you hold all th positive and negative beliefs about yourself - your self-image. These beliefs are reflected back to you in the form of attitudes. Therefore it is from the subconscious mind that the thought of failure or success comes.

Attitudes are just mental programs and so is your self-image. They can easily be changed (yes I said 'easily'). Any attitude or belief can be changed by using the formula outlined in this article - by combining affirmations with visualization. Henry Ford used it, as did Ralph Waldo Emerson and even Arnold Swatzeneger. It is reported in some circles that a similar technique was employed by Bill Gates to build his global empire. Andrew Carnegie used it exactly as described to attain and give away multi-millions even though he was an unschooled manual worker when he started it. Carnegie's legacy can still be seen today when you freely borrow a book from any Carnegie library of which there are thousands.
If you use these six steps there is nothing you cannot achieve. Luckily we have the advantage of living in the Twentieth Century with all its new technology and innovations such as hypnosis and subliminal programming. Use these steps in conjunction with your favourite personal development system and you are assured success. hypnosis

Saturday, August 12, 2006 12:12:00 PM

 
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Saturday, March 17, 2007 12:18:00 PM

 

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