same as it ever was (talking heads)

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A Don Hughes/Johnny Ballon movie pitch (#5)

DH: Animation, fucking huge!
JB: Fucking HUGE!
DH: Why not start with an established franchise? Those lovable dorks, The Peanuts. Let's face it, everyone likes underacheiving losers, and I can't think of larger group of douchbags than these kids.
JB: Fucking A right on, when the dog is the coolest dude on the block you have problems as a functioning social set.
DH: Obvious problems already mentioned, these kids suck, basically speaking, we need to bring their shit into the new millennium, give them a new consumer friendly image.
JB: Yeah, right on. No way is the Red Headed Girl going to pay any attention to you if you're a bald seven year old who wears a yellow zigzag shirt everyday with black shorts. I mean it's a good look for Coked up people on Halloween, but as an everyday thing? I don't think so.
DH: We gotta metro sexual these kids up. Get Chuck a pair of faded jeans, some Prada sneaks. Shave off the one remaining circlish hair, get the Vin Diesel look going on. His last movie grossed over a hundred million, that's what people can relate to.
JB: Then get him an ironic shirt that says oh, I don't know "Fuck the Smurfs" or something. Then slap on a brown vintage leather jacket.
DH: All of these kids dress like losers, they'll basically all get a make-over right. We have so much potential here. Take Linus for instance.
JB: Glad you brought that up. Blue Blanket? Fucking gone, Sayonara. Instead he carries around smokes all the time. Much cooler, ask your friends.
DH: Plus we get to make the Phillip Morris people pay out the ass for that little favor. They LOVE to start them off at an early age.
JB: By the end of the movie, all the kids are smoking, this is a natural progression, because, of course, they want to look cool as well.
DH: Shroder, so much untapped potential here.
JB: The piano is fucking gone!
DH: Shroder is going to start an indie rock band named, like, "The Go Get-ups and Hand Clappers"
JB: Yeah, they'll sound kind of like a cross between Arcade Fire, The Strokes, Bloc Party, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. They'll have a real, "I could give a fuck" attitude. I think we can get them a guest spot on the OC.
DH: We also need to sex this thing up a bit.
JB: They're only kids, but kids get started at a much earlier age these days.
DH: We'll start off with the obvious choice. Snoopy and Lucy.
JB: I don't know if you guys are hip to the inter-web these days, but chicks and dogs...fucking huge right now.
DH: Fucking huge!
JB: Marci and Peppermint Patty. Like this even needs to be brought up.
DH: This is an obvious huge market right now, this shit totally sells. The Simpsons, The Olsens, The Hiltons, so many lesbo couples around Hollywood right now, non-religious middle America eats this shit up.
JB: Yeah and when the Bible beaters protest, "Ohh, I think it's wrong to have two animated seven year old chicks date each other in a major motion picture flagship studio event!", we buy stock in those Jesus Fish on the back of cars, because they're bound to get a sales bump to protest this thing.
DH: Money smells like tits.
JB: I couldn't have said it better friend.
DH: Story line, like we fucking need one.
JB: They don't have them anymore, but you've already noticed that I'm sure.
DH: I'm going to buy a fucking island with this score.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

DH: Money smells like tits.
JB: I couldn't have said it better friend.

Something about "money smells like tits" makes it one of the best lines I've heard in quite some time.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005 11:46:00 PM

Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

can tits smell like money then? i dont suppose why not. mmm, cash-$$$-hoes.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005 1:15:00 AM

Blogger cgpop said...

Not all money, just large, non-sequential bills.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005 9:03:00 AM

Anonymous max said...


Wednesday, November 23, 2005 12:23:00 PM

Anonymous happy turkey day said...

im thinking when Lucy grew up, she probably had a thick bush. Comments?

Wednesday, November 23, 2005 5:10:00 PM

Blogger cgpop said...


Wednesday, November 23, 2005 8:04:00 PM

Blogger Chili Drip said...

How about Chuck giving Lucy a nice Chili Dog right before they eat Thanksgiving dinner?

Very romantic.

Thursday, November 24, 2005 1:25:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who are these people???????

Friday, November 25, 2005 11:18:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read »

Friday, March 16, 2007 11:53:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! » »

Monday, April 23, 2007 9:13:00 PM


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