same as it ever was (talking heads)

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

WTF? part deux

Oh wow, Christina Aguilera is letting a "lucky" fan leave a 60-second e-mail message to be included on a new song off her upcoming album (which should be titled Hooker, I actually fuck people for money, I'd dress like this if I worked at Dairy Queen, I really like my job too!) which will probably be called something like Krazie Yo! (the funny thing is Christina actually thinks Krazie is how you spell Crazy, just like she thought dirrty was actually spelled dirty, she's basically fucking retarded). Anyway as mentioned before she's going to incorporate some 60-second message into a song, from a fan (people actually like this chick, go figure) anyway here's a re-imagining of sorts from a fan that I really hope makes the ablum, that's right, ablum...

Ohhh Christina, I so love your music, you rock sister. My name is Katie and your whole image and music has affected me in amazing and life-altering ways. You are such a beautiful girl with a positive self-image, what do you weigh? like 90 lbs.? Anyway I just love you so much, so I stopped eating to try to emulate the positive self-image that you and your music promote, I'm cold all the time and often faint now, but I'm a size 2!!! It's so great, I got used to the hunger pains after the first six months, and if I do have to eat it's not really a problem I just throw it up afterwards, problem solved!!! And I have to thank you for it, you're the greatest!!! As for my wardrobe, well, I just thought you looked so great in the "Dirrty" video, those chaps! Oh my god, so hot! So I've taken to wearing chaps everywhere I go. It's really great for parties, guys are always talking to me, they can see the self-empowerment and "I don't care what anyone thinks" attitude that my chaps and other slinky garments stand for, they can notice a strong woman when they see one. The only problem is it's hard to find employment when wearing chaps on a daily basis, I now work at a dude ranch. As mentioned before I'm a small girl so roping the cattle is very hard on my small frame, I've been injured many times, I'm actually calling from the hospital right now, but who cares? Right? Us sisters got to stick together, show what we're made of! This talking has really zapped my energy, I have ruptured spleen, four broken ribs, and a lacerated liver and I'm not used to the food, intervenes feeding I can't help it, be at the gym when I get out, better believe it!! Anyway I feel really light-headed I hope I win, love you soooo much Xtina Thanks your fav (sound of the phone hitting and bouncing off the ground)

editor's note: For the love of god don't click the link to her website, they play a clip from one of her terrible songs.

21 Comments:

Anonymous kaplan said...

cgpop, i think you're really missing the big picture here. Are you looking at the same pooper as i am......hello!!!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005 11:56:00 PM

 
Anonymous dr teeths medicine show said...

look at dat stinkhole!!

Thursday, November 03, 2005 6:00:00 AM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

Yeah, she's hot...she's a stupid whore too. I wouldn't mind it so much if these chicks just looked hot and didn't say or do stuff, but that isn't the case. Xtina or whatever the fuck her name is puts out music that annoys me, so she has to take a hit, that's the way it works. Plus, give me a fucking break w/ this idea for a song, putting a 60-second e-mail message from some sycophant praising X and her shitty music, fuck that.

Thursday, November 03, 2005 7:32:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Should I just start spelling my name X? I think by now people should just know it means Chris.
Chris

Thursday, November 03, 2005 10:23:00 AM

 
Anonymous Max said...

I bet people said that about Elvis first songs when he started Rock n' Roll and Run DMC with all that Talk n Rap

ands Kaps is right nothing wrong with shaking that "dumper"

She sure did not look like that when I saw her on the 3rd floor of the Library.

Thursday, November 03, 2005 3:51:00 PM

 
Anonymous bones said...

Along with dat ass, that's one hell of a raft she's laying on. All blue and translucent and shit. Hell yeah!

Thursday, November 03, 2005 4:18:00 PM

 
Blogger Laura said...

Positive self-image, Ha!

She's probably less than 90 pounds and thinks she's fat.

I can't stand her.

Thursday, November 03, 2005 7:12:00 PM

 
Blogger sasefina said...

sorry, but that looks so photoshopped it's ridiculous. her real ass probably bears no resemblance whatsoever to this picture.

Thursday, November 03, 2005 7:40:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would butt-rape her, and enjoy the holy heck out of it. Just sayin'.

Thursday, November 03, 2005 7:40:00 PM

 
Anonymous Dr. Fronk-N-Steen said...

I would pound that bunghole silly

Friday, November 04, 2005 2:15:00 PM

 
Blogger The Captain of the Ship said...

im with sasefina. i see not one bit of fat on her. granted shes 90 pounds dripping wet (ahem) but still. where is the cellulite?

anyway, between sj's tits and xtina's ass, im now going to go now and feel really crappy about my body image and how it sucks i dont have a graphic designer photoshopping the shit outta me 24-7. thanks, cgpop.

Friday, November 04, 2005 3:02:00 PM

 
Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

great thread cgpop

Friday, November 04, 2005 11:18:00 PM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

dr. fonk-n-steen? I don't know WTF that means but it really made me laugh very hard at 1:48 AM.

Saturday, November 05, 2005 1:48:00 AM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

The name made me laugh

Saturday, November 05, 2005 2:05:00 AM

 
Anonymous Mister Fuck 'n Jive said...

BUNG!!!!!

Saturday, November 05, 2005 8:36:00 PM

 
Anonymous snake said...

she wasn't skanky when i was dating her. illegal sure, but wasn't skanky.

Monday, November 07, 2005 3:13:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just found your blog holmes. i love xtina. great photo.

Thursday, November 10, 2005 4:25:00 AM

 
Anonymous Peace of mind said...

Great blog! I was surfing the web to find tips on Peace of mind. If you are interested have a quick look at http://www.wellnessmaster.com so we can exchange ideas.

Saturday, July 01, 2006 2:43:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no self-esteem

One of the most powerful influences on your attitude and personality is what you say to yourself. It is not what happens to you, but how you respond internally to what happens to you, that determines your thoughts, feelings, and your actions. By controlling your inner dialogue, or your �self talk,� you can begin to assert control over every part of your life.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007 1:36:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tree of life meaning

...life in itself has no meaning, for its purpose is an opportunity to create that meaning, therefore:
...to die
...to simply live until one dies (there is no universal or celestial purpose)
...nature taking its course (the wheel of time keeps on turning)
...whatever you see you see, as in "projection makes perception"
...there is no purpose or meaning whatsoever (see nihilism)
...life may actually not exist, or may be illusory (see solipsism or nihilism)
...to contemplate "the meaning of the end of life"

Tuesday, February 20, 2007 1:39:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The science of spirituality is an empire of thought and in its philosophical teachings Krishna has all the attributes of the full-fledged montheistic deity and at the same time the attributes of the Upanisadic absolute." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, March 05, 2007 11:13:00 PM

 

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