same as it ever was (talking heads)

Sunday, January 29, 2006

R.I.P (I'm being overly dramatic)


The beginning of the end. Tomorrow I start an actual, real, jobby job type job. I finished up my second tour o duty in school this past December. Anyway, the point is I'll now have less time to dedicate to the ole blog here. I know it's a dark day, but there is no need to cry, I'm definitely not giving up on the whole blog thing, I just think the posting will be much more infrequent (maybe not, but probably so, I'll do at least one post a week, that post being the iTunes playlist on either Wednesday or Thursday, and I'll try to get at least one more a week). Just a heads up, thanks for reading and continued less infrequent future reading. Oh yeah, one more thing, everything that I've posted has been factually accurate and I'll continue that trend in the future, you all deserve the best.

editor's note: Later...

Friday, January 27, 2006

The CGP interview #5, "Bill Cosby"

CGP: Coz, thanks for being here today, it's an honor.
The Coz: Thank you.
CGP: I'm half-joking, we've had Jack on so this is actually a decided step down. First off, Fat Albert, quite a mean nickname to give to a struggling overweight inner city youth, don't you think? Did you ever think of trying something like "Big-boned" "Al", because let's face it, calling the kid Albert is worse than saying he's fat, totally lame name.
The Coz: What?
CGP: The name Albert, just not cool. Moving on, the whole gang seemed to have very big lips, this character trait could be viewed as racially insensitive especially in today's politically correct climate. So I'll give you your say, was this racially motivated in any way? Or was the gang just ahead of the curve and hip to Botox before anyone else? The smart answer here is Botox.
The Coz: Are you crazy?
CGP: Dodging the hard questions, huh? Moving on. Do you have Lisa Bonet's phone number?
The Coz: No, but I can give you Tempest Bledsoe's number.
CGP: What? The only reason I had you on was to get her number! Shit! I guess I'll have to try to stalk here by more conventional methods, you know, like myspace. Ok, moving on...again, who would win in a fight between Webster and Gary Coleman?
The Coz: You are crazy!
CGP: Wrong answer, Gary Coleman, he's much bigger and he's a security guard. I doubt they give him a gun, but I'm sure he's got a nightstick. Moving on, who greenlit Leonard Part 6 and where are the missing 1-5 Leonard movies? You can either answer that or this, are you personally sorry for Ghost Dad? Last year alone there were over 1,000 Ghost Dad related suicides in this state alone.
The Coz: I've publicly apologized for Ghost Dad numerous times, we have a web site also www.pleasedontkillyourselfbecauseofghostdad.com
CGP: Who's idea was it to let Michael Jackson host "Kids Say The Darndest Things" when you were out with the flu? Presumably the same dude who gives LP6 and GD the thumbs up?
The Coz: In hindsight, a very bad idea, and yes, it was the same person we have a web site www.settlementforkidssaythedarndestthingsguesthostedbyMichaelJacksontheepisodethatneveraired.com
CGP: One last question, exactly what percent of your soul is owned by the Jello pudding folks?
The Coz: 63%

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

iTunes playlist (3): Animal Collective

I just picked up Feels a couple of weeks ago. Damn are these fuckers weird, but in a good I want to contiunally listen to them kind of way. "Turn Into Something" (mp3).

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

My buddy (who I visisted this weekend) had a chance to move into the Marina City condos located on the river in Chicago. More importantly they are featured on the cover of Wilco's album Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. I yelled at him and said he was stupid, but in actuality he probably made the correct decision living wise because there are about 50 million places to go out within a three block radius of the place he now lives in. Anyway, I would have moved into the Marina City condos if I had the opportunity solely based on the fact that they were of the YHF cover, even if they weren't as nice as some other options, that's why I'm not very smart sometimes.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Cold

Off to Chicago this weekend for drinking and cold weather. iTunes playlist (3) sometimes nexts weeks.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

You SUCK!


Where was the scene in episode 6 where Jar Jar Binks dies? Where was it George Lucas? First let me state the obvious here, the last 3 Star Wars movies episodes 4-6 were fucking horrible (not breaking news). I'm not some crazy Star Wars lunatic fan but I was born in the late 1970's, so the original Star Wars were awesome. Sure, I saw all of the new installments in the theaters but I haven't seen any of them since, nor do I or will I ever have the desire to again. Basically here were everyone's reactions to the three films...

Jar Jar Binks movie (walking out of the theater): "Why was there an annoying rastafarian alien in the movie, fuck that guy! Besides that I guess it was cool, the special effects were good, I guess."

Jar Jar Binks movie (one week after having seen it): "Dude, that movie really sucked bad didn't it. Fuck that Jamaican alien. The next one will be better."

Yoda fighting movie (waiting in line before the movie): "I heard Yoda fights in this movie? Sounds cool, I thought he could barely walk and had a cane? If that Binks dude is in this shit I'm getting a fucking refund...I'm not kidding...I will so do it, will to, just watch me!"

Yoda fighting movie (after walking out of the theater): "Was that good? Everyone says it was better than the first one? I'm confused here, I don't really think it was good. Yoda did flips and shit? Then he couldn't walk again? What was that shit when Darth Vader was rolling around in the grass like a pussy? I really think this movie may have had the worst dialogue of any movie ever."

Yoda fighting movie (one week after having seen it): "Fuck! Yoda fighting movie really sucked too! When does the next one come out? Two years, I guess I still have to go see it. It better be good."

Last one (a couple months before it's supposed to be released): "I heard it was supposed to be all dark and almost got an R rating. That sounds kinda cool."

Last one (after movie): "That was it?! That was the good one we'd been waiting for? Fuck this, Fuck you George Lucas. I hope Harrison Ford sees you and kicks your ass!"

Last one (should've been the reaction because of the changes to the film that I just made up): "Dooood, fucking awesome! When Darth Vader slit that Jar Jar dude's throat and drank his blood! Fucking classic! I can't believe we got to see Natalie Portman's tits! They're not that big, but still, fucking awesome! I really didn't see her that turn to lesbianism coming, totally blind-sided me."

Monday, January 16, 2006

I forgot about this post, but then I (unfortunately) remembered

editor's note: This is a very "blue" post, I recommend that no females read it, because if they do, they probably will stop reading forever...and I don't want that to happen. So you've been warned, if offended by explicit sexually related reading material stop NOW!

Missionary style just not getting done anymore? Doggy-style all played out? 69 a bit of a bore these days? If you can answer yes to these questions, I'm here to help you out. I have three different, I'll call them "bedroom alternatives" that you and you're sweety can try out if the current sex is a bit boring. Warning number 2, one of these is highly stupid and the other two are highly stupid and a tad degrading. You STILL can stop reading (I'll also explain the picture).

1. The "Polish Hotdog": A couple of years ago I, along with a couple other friends, went out the Phoenix to visit a friend. We attended a Spring training game between the Cubs and Brewers. My friends and I were a bit drunk at the game, we were also a little delirious from the previous couple days of partying, then we saw the famed (not really famed, more like infamous since the Randall Simon incident a couple years back) Milwaukee Brewer sausage race. This sight was funny enough but for some reason when the announcer yelled..."and the Polish Hotdog pulls ahead and takes the lead!" myself along with another friend completely lost it (hysterics wise). I would say that within a minute of hearing that phrase the "Polish Hotdog" was born. The "Polish Hotdog" is a sexual move where the woman lays down on the bed naked (from the waist down at least) and presumably...you, or whoever, kind of mounts the woman on top of her ass. Next you slide your jimmy vertically between the woman's ass cheeks. You can perform this move w/o or "w/ sauerkraut". To this day I don't know, if this move had been performed in North America, it probably has been done in Germany or Asia though.

2. "The Sweetest Taboo" (a.k.a. The Molasses ass-fist): A couple of friends told me about this sex move they invented when on spring break in Key West, Fla. some years back. Still hilarious to this day, but this one takes much preparation...let me explain. First off, guys, if you really want to perform the "The Sweetest Taboo" you must hit up the tanning bad at least 5-6 times a week for a good two month period, you really need to look slightly Puerto Rican to pull this off. That means that a Clarke Gable pencil-thin mustache must be grown to accompany the tan. Next you have to go out and buy a while linen suit to wear with a matching hat (throw in a cane if you want to freestyle). Next get an industrial sized can of Molasses (one that you have to cut open with some sort of large can opener, I would suggest trying Sam's Club) and some surgical gloves. Last, but certainly not least, you'll need to get a copy of The Best of Sade, and you'll need a cd player also. Basically you'll just turn the cd to track #5 "The Sweetest Taboo", hit repeat, open up the can of molasses, put on the surgical glove, put your hand in the molasses, make a fist, shove your fist up your woman's ass. An important part in preparation for this is (and all of these moves) the participation of your wife/girlfriend. This maneuver could raise serious medical issues or flags or whatever, so if your girlfriend is a willing participant I'd suggest she enrolls in a yoga class and doesn't at any time consult a physician or any kind of medical professional to tell them of the plans for "The Sweetest Taboo". This has probably only been done in Germany.

3. "Chilli Dog": Ever heard of a "Cleveland Steamer"? Sure you have, this is similar, but much worse. My friends and I didn't invent this, but one of buddies told me about it and it's fucking gross, but definitely a "bedroom alternative". Like a steamer, you'll still need to take dump on your girlfriend's chest, but it has to be diarrhea or it doesn't really count, after this is done you simply titty-fuck your girlfriend. I recommend that you eat Mexican or Tex-Mex the night before.

editor's note (2): I myself have not or would not perform any of these moves...ever...my intent was not to endorse anything with this post, just to spread my knowledge that these degrading acts do indeed exist...although if someone actually pulled off "The Sweetest Taboo" I'd pay their bar tab for a weekend.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

iTunes playlist (2): Ambulance LTD.

Download the song Ophelia (mp3) from Ambulance LTD. I got a chance to see these guys this past October at The Earl, they put on a great live show and their self-titled freshman release is spectacular. Isn't the word spectacular just spectacular?

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

A Don Hughes/Johnny Ballon movie pitch (#6)

DH: Let me cut right to the chase, we are so fucking huge now, it doesn't really matter what we do, whatever we attach our names to, the shit will sell.
JB: Fucking cash money. I've always wanted to get to the point in my career where I could just phone it in. Finally we've arrived.
DH: I mean I had faith in Da Hamsteer: Ya Be Wishin I Be Feral Mon I mean it's a fucking genius concept, but box office records and Golden Globe nominations? I mean shit, we can fucking phone it in now.
JB: Yeah I mean I thought that movie would sell but I never thought that the Hamster would be the front runner for the best actor. Sure, Heath Ledger playing a gay cowboy, a good job, a decent acting stretch, but a murderous voodoo hamster? That's a stretch folks, what an emotional performance. I should say performances, seeing as 300 or so Hamsters died during filming, but that award should go toward there cute furry memory, and towards my bank account.
DH: We are batting a perfect 5/5, all hits...no flops. Jerry Bruckheimer can park my fucking car if he wants to. I'm like Walt Disney w/o the Nazi underpinnings. Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 in the afternoon, kicked the two hookers out of my house from the previous night, ordered a crate of fresh Maine lobster to the house, took 4 vicodin, met with a feng shui advisor for half an hour, hosted a Scientology meeting, skipped an appointment with Bob Weinstein...fuck him, had my Limo-driver drive me to a Limo store where I bought a larger limo I fired my driver on the spot and paid one of the sales men there 10 grand on the spot to drive me back home, got home drank two bottles of Cristol and did a bunch of coke, called an escort service and ordered over 15 girls to be at my place within the hour, the chicks came over we did a bunch more coke and I played "Girls on Film" on repeat the entire time until I finally threw up on this Latin chick after I attempted to snort caviar, I turned off the music and kicked everyone out, I then masturbated to "Saved by the Bell" reruns until I passed out. I think that says it all.
JB: I haven't woke up before 9:30 pm for the last two months. If I even see the color purple, the actual color not the movie, although seeing the movie would piss me off too, I punch the first person I see in the face. I'm fucking a chick who claims she's a vampire, she only responds to
Nosferatu...I'm so fucked up right now I bought a laundry mat and fired everyone who worked there...why?...who the fuck knows, why the fuck not. I was out at dinner the other night with a bunch of industry types and I pissed in my soup, in front of everyone at the table...I got a standing ovation.
DH: Living the American dream...on to the movie I guess. Like it fucking matters now, already phoned in. Do we have anything? What do we have?
JB: I thought you had something? No? Ahhh fuck it, ummm, what's hot on TV?
DH: Survivor still pulls them in no?
JB: Shit yeah! There you go, boom, Survivor the movie. We phone it in and still come up with fucking gold I tell you.
DH: It's almost a curse. Let's get a bunch of B and C list actors out on an island, Survivor's the one with the island and shit, correct?
JB: Pretty sure, I like where you're headed with this. We can probably get Shelley Long, DB Sweeney, The Corey's, Emilio Estevez, Molly Ringwald, shit, the whole cast of Breakfast Club. Kadeem Hardisson, Matthew Modine, Martha Plimpton, David Schwimmer, and probably the rest of the "Friend's" cast except for Anniston. Good to go.
DH: Great, instead them getting kicked off the island do you think we can kill them off? Fuck it, we'll let legal worry about that. The winner gets their career back.
JB: Sounds great. I'm off to luau at George Clooney's place.
DH: Cool, I'm off to a...well, let's call it a "thing" at Richard Gere's. He fucking adored Da Hampsteer.

editor's note: Da Hamsteer pitch is about half way down the page. So fucking money.

Monday, January 09, 2006

We're about to win! What to do next?


Let's go ahead and pour a gatorade cooler on the coach! Yeah, that would be great!...........Let me stop here. Why the fuck do football teams still engage in this ludicrous celebration. It's unoriginal and an overly dumb thing to do to someone who just helped you win something. Getting wet when fully clothed sucks, if I was a coach I'd blow every single important game on purpose just so I wouldn't get the "Gatorade Shower". I don't know about you guys, but I personally fucking hate it when my socks get wet. Obviously football players don't really like to think outside the box since this ritual has been going on for about 20 years or so. I really think there needs to be a change in the celebration. I guess the humiliation factor must stay intact (hey, I didn't invent the rules, I just have to live by them) so w/o further ado, here are some new possible celebration routines...

1. Throw a football in the coach's face as hard as possible.
2. Pour a POWERADE cooler on the coach....Oh, boy, that would just be, just be, like, CRAZY!
3. Actually fill up half a cup with original Lemon-Lime Gatorade and fill the other half up with piss. Then go over to the coach tell him he looks thirsty, after he drinks it and spits it out shout, "I love you you crazy son-of-a-bitch!"
4. Start to strangle the coach with the chain on the 10-yard marker.
5. Send up an player (one that the coach has been hard on for the entire season) into the stands with a loaded gun to accost one of the coach's family members (preferably wife, or first born). Have the player shove the gun in the family member's mouth (the coach would have been alerted by now to the situation) then yell, "I'm going to kill your wife! I'm going to do it! I should have started this year! Ahhh, shit ni**a, I'm just kidding. We won, you ain't even have to get wet now!" Do not alert the family member that this is a joke before hand.
6. Have the secondary gang-bang the coach's hot 18-year old daughter and send him the video tape after the season.
7. Have the team mascot assault the coach Tanya Harding style with a pipe and shit.
8. Take a bunch of side-line chalk and blow it in the coach's eyes.
9. Have the team physician tell the coach that "the results" just came back and he only has two weeks to live.
10. PILE-ON COACH!

editor's note: For #5 make sure the gun is loaded for maximum zinger effect.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

A Tribe Called Quest..."Hot Sex"...#1

I created a pretty decent iTunes playlist (in my opinion). I put one song a piece from each of my favorite musical groups. The only stipulation I had while forming the list was that it couldn't be an obvious song by the group (read: overly popular). Some of my selections actually may be overly popular but I at least tried. Also, I'm trying the file-hosting you-send-it for the first time, hopefully it'll all work out. First off is "Hot Sex"(mp3) from every white person's favorite rap group A Tribe Called Quest. Seriously though, these dudes rule. "Hot Sex" was originally off of the Boomerang soundtrack (I don't own this soundtrack I just found this out, you learn something new every day). It can also be found on Anthology (that's where I found it). Well, shit, let's see how this works. If this does work, I'll do one a week.

editor's note: If you are a member of ATCQ or one of their lawyers please don't sue me. I seriously doubt that you'd be reading this blog, but if by chance you are and are not amused please send me an e-mail at cultgoespop@gmail.com and the shit will disappear.

NO HE DiiiINT...Yes, he's about to...

Ok, this is the post some (not many) but some of you have been waiting for (actually this is the post leading up to THE POST, this posting issue will take two posts, it's that monumental). First things first, when I started blogging I had all of these ideas of shit to blog about. I quickly threw most of those ideas out of the window and did much freestyling. Anyway, this post in particular is one of the original ideas that I put off for seven or so months, no longer. This post is to inform you about the original Ghost and the Darkness story (not about the stupid lions but about how we laughed at our friend...you'll see) and why I must re-watch and do a review of this cinematic landmark. GITD (which is the new slang, has been the new slang for years) backstory...

Back in high school a couple of friends and I went to see the movie Air Force Once. We were all just shooting the shit talking about other movies that we liked. Then out of nowhere, it happened, one of my friends said...

him: "Hey guys, you know what movie I really like? Ghost and the Darkness."
us: "Yeah dude, whatever, pretty funny."
him: "What do you mean?"
us: "You mean, you really like GITD? You can't be serious?"
him: "Yeah, I thought it was really good."

The next 20 minutes were spent in hysterical side-splitting laughter. The type of laughter where people look at you like you're insane. People around us in the theater started to get really pissed off at us when Air Force One started and we hadn't stopped laughing...loudly. Why was I laughing myself to the point of tears in the scene where Gary Oldman repeatedly slams Harrison Ford into a cabinet? You guessed it, because over an hour earlier my friend said that he like the movie GITD. Maybe we (me in particular) were a bit harsh on our buddy? Probably not, just to make sure I'm going to rent and watch GITD tonight and do a movie review of sorts. Be looking for the post sometime tomorrow.

editor's note: Why all the fuss over GITD you ask? Actually if you have to ask, you haven't seen the movie. This is not an exaggeration, it is the worst movie I've ever seen, worse than Blue Chips...I'm not kidding...this is not hyperbole. Don't worry about me, I have some left over new year's vodka to help pull me through tonight. Also, CD, this is in good fun, don't get mad, if you want to write a guest post on the merits of GITD, you are more than welcome to.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Schizophrenia


A shining light, a beacon on the hill. I am all things to all people. Be an individual, be unique, drink me.

cherry: Oh my god, it fucking hurts! It hurts so fucking bad! This is excruciating!
vanilla: I can't believe I have to associate with your types. Shut-up cherry!
diet: Bad, unhealthy, you're all unhealthy. Am I fat? Have I put on weight?
dr. pepper: Who the fuck are you people? Marauders at the gate of the late inter-galactic cola wars? I am true? I am original.
vanilla: Give me a break. I'm vanilla! You think I want to be intermingling here? This is a definite demotion from ice cream and shakes. Let's just hope someone drinks us soon, so this abortion can be put to an end.
diet: Vanilla, you're fattening?! I can't live like this. I'm going for a jog.
cherry: (making unholy noises)
vanilla: Oh my god cherry. Would you shut the fuck up?
dr. pepper: I am me? Am I me? This is mr. pibb isn't it? You're trying to get to me. Hostile take-over. The years of espionage have finally worked? No? I can hear you you bastard. I'll fight to the death. YOU"LL NEVER TAKE MY FREEDOM!!!!
vanilla: Fuck me! We've been here for a minute and someone's already quoting Braveheart. If I ever get my hands on the senior marketing executive who came up with this idea...I'll give him constipation or something. I don't really have to many options here people, I'm vanilla. I'll be here all week.
cherry: Suicide! I pray for death!

editor's note: Sadly, no one ever drank the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, seeing as it is a horrible product that tastes like shit, and an example of LowestCommonDenominator marketing.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

"Vineland" an excerpt

On the screen, the weather crew had fallen queerly silent. At first Frensei wondered if the sound had gone out, but then one of them laughed nervously and the others joined in. It would happen again before suddenly, unannounced, a preacher with a hand mike, in front of a great luminous cross, appeared on the screen in stylishly long sideburns and a leisure suit of some lurid brick-colored synthetic. "Looks like we're in the hands of Jesus again," he announced. "Someday, with the right man in the White House, there will be a department of Jesus, yes and a secretary of Jesus, and he'll be talking to you all, on a nationwide hookup, instead of this old ignoramous from the piney woods. No friends, I'm no expert, wouldn't know a suction vortex if it walked up and said bless you brother- ah but I do know how men of Science measure tornadoes, and that's on what they call the Fujita Intensity Scale. But folks, maybe today that name should be Fu-Jesus..."

editor's note: Vineland (published 1990). Scarey shit indeed.

Love/Hate/actually just love

More like love, but hate today a little, maybe. I love...LOVE to gamble. This post though is as much for me as it is for you. It should be titled "Why I should stop gambling on sports and really stop gambling in general." Never ever happen, but gambling is a losing endeavor, this is why winning at gambling is such a rush, the odds are stacked against you (even if you know what you're doing, which most people don't, I'll explain). I'm going to take you through the four games of chance that I like to play most and rank them in order of "skill" or what I'm best at. I'll give you some tips along the way and career gambling highlights of mine, and why I shouldn't really gamble at this game. The reason I'm writing this post is because of the bad end to the college football (read: major sports gambling time of the year) season. Ok, here we go...

1. BlackJack: Everyone has played Blackjack before, the problem is that about 80% of the people who I still see play in casinos with their actual hard earned money still have no clue how to play correctly. Most people know the correct hit and stand procedures (I'm being generous here I've almost punched someone before b/c they got indignant about the fact that they knew how to play when in actuality they were fucking clueless, if you have a donkey at your table my best advice is to quickly get up and leave) but they have no idea when to split cards or when to correctly double down. If you are going to Vegas and plan on playing blackjack please read the book Casino Games by John Gollehon. It is invaluable if you plan on spending serious time in the casino (which I always do, I spend serious serious time actually gambling when I go to Vegas, meaning parked in front of table or looking for another table to park myself in front of...Advice from the Gollehon the longer you spend gambling the more likely it is that you will lose...I'm a sadist). After learning "Basic Strategy" (memorize the charts and always... I mean always, follow them) you will find out that the casino still has about 51 to 49 percent advantage over the player, meaning that the most important rule when playing blackjack (or any casino game for that matter) is that you are going to lose. Do not expect to go to Vegas to win money, it doesn't happen very often. Gambling is "Adult Entertainment". Too many people get pissed off after the dealer hits four consecutive blackjacks, these same people get too excited after they double down and hit a blackjack. A key to winning at blackjack is controlling your emotions, try to stay even keel, this will help you from making foolish bets (never press your bets during a losing session ALSO the player is never ever ever "due"). I have a new blackjack motto that I kind of gained on my last trip to New Orleans (pre-Katrina) I declared that I was there to "Push" all of my buddies laughed at me, but it's true if I can break even I'd be happy every time. I won about 1,500 dollars two years ago in Vegas playing mainly blackjack (this is before I learned how to play craps). I sat down at a 25$ table (Golden Nugget) b/c there was a hot porn star looking chick there in a Kangol hat. 30 minutes later I was up about $600, I was the only person still playing at the table mano y mano with the dealer. I yelled at the bit boss b/c the cocktail waitress didn't come by once to our table and I didn't tip the dealer b/c he was a prick. I then proceeded over to a $10 table with my buddies, we managed to play for 8 straight hours and I picked up another $600 or so. I should have won more this trip but I kind of bet like a puss, my goal was to win enough money for an iPod, I easily achieved that goal, but would have won a lot more if I hadn't set that pre-trip goal. Also, everyone thinks they can count cards, they are totally wrong.

2. Craps: Easily the most fun game in the casino. Also a much easier game to play than blackjack. The problem is that people get intimidated by the action of the game so they don't really like to try to learn. They then go play blackjack incorrectly and still lose money. Only need to know three simple bets in craps the passline bet, odds bet, and the come bet (craps, if played correctly, gives the player the best odds of winning in the casino, the only problem is that often times you have a lot of money in play and can lose ultra quick). Read the Gollehon book, it has an excellent section on craps too. The problem with craps is that you can lose money super fast, super duper scary fast. Before plunking down your money at a table I advise to watch some of the action for at least 15-20 minutes to see if the table is hot or cold. Too many people walk up put down money on a cold table and walk away five minutes later pissed off and broke. This is too bad, craps is the most fun game in the casino there is a camaraderie amoungst the players not seen in other casino games (also blackjack just gets really boring after a while). This last March at frequent commenter chili drip's bachelor party I was playing some $10 craps by myself at Tropicana (sadly I always play craps by myself, most of my buddies don't really play, no bothers though I'm enough of a gamble holic to play all by myself for long extended periods of time). In twenty minutes I was up around $650, the table was smoking hot for about a 15 minute period. The table quickly cooled in the next 5 minutes and I walked about $450 up. If the table would have stayed hot for another twenty minutes I would have been up no less than $4,000 guaranteed (I was just starting to push my bets when it went cold). Easily the most exhilarating gambling moment of my life. Craps provides thrills that blackjack never could.

3. Poker: Poker takes practice and patience. The great thing about poker is that people can actually win money consistently, the only form of gambling where this is the case. I play a couple of times a month and am not all that great. I play too loose, I tend to get bored about after 3-4 hours of play and over-play my hands. I still find this to be enjoyable but I don't really have the talent to do much with it over the long haul. Also, when in Vegas I'm way too busy doing other gambling (read #'s 1 & 2, amoungst other things) to even stop and think about playing cards. I did win $1,100 a couple of years ago in a tournament, I played well at the final table and got lucky a couple of times. I'm still in the lower echelon of players in the game that I frequent.

4. Sports Betting: Here is my water-loo, I really suck at sports betting. I guess I don't totally suck (I put in $200 in an on-line account over two years ago and I have $100 left of the original investment. I was at one point down to a mere $10 in my account. I lost $40 last night and $80 in the past three days) but I'm very frustrated with the whole thing. The thing about betting on sports is that I really have no control over the outcome. At least in blackjack, craps, or poker I have an ability to make a decision that will positively or negatively effect my potential outcome. In sports I obviously can't do this. I have no strategy when betting sports, I think to myself, "Oh man, Vince Young is over-rated. He can't even fucking throw right. Look at his release point. I'm banging the Trojans!" I, of course, haven't even seen Vince play a game I for some reason just think that he sucks. Damn was I wrong. The problem is this skewed logic happens to me too often in sports betting. The other thing that happens is that I get extremely upset watching these games I bet on. I have no control, so I get pissed off when players make stupid plays or an official blows a call. Maybe I should just cash out the $100 I have left in the account? No fucking way man! Duke vs. UConn a couple of years back. I pumped Duke +2 for 50 bones. I did this because I thought Emeka Okafur (NBA rookie of the year last year) was over-rated. Duke is winning the whole game, UConn comes back the last couple of minutes and takes control of the game...they are up by 4 with 3 seconds left...Chris Duhon has the ball and is dribbling down the court, he knows that Duke can't win...Duhon throws up a meaningless half court shot (it looks like he's not even trying to make the shot) and somehow it banks in and Duke covers. I run around my friends house screaming like I won the lottery.

editor's note: I added the "actually just love" part the heading of the post after I finished writing this.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Wilco, live


Here is the live video for "Kicking Televison"off Wilco's great double live album Kicking Televison. I am not a happy camper right now (so I decided to post), a great college football season is crashing and burning today in front of my eyes. The FightingIrish of Notre Dame were disposed of by the Buckeyes of Ohio State, and the BullDawgs of Georgia forgot that they had to play a football game today seeing as they are getting killed by the Mountaineers of West Virgina. I fucking hate WV too, worst state in the union, although I am taking little comfort in that fact right now.