same as it ever was (talking heads)

Friday, January 06, 2006

Schizophrenia


A shining light, a beacon on the hill. I am all things to all people. Be an individual, be unique, drink me.

cherry: Oh my god, it fucking hurts! It hurts so fucking bad! This is excruciating!
vanilla: I can't believe I have to associate with your types. Shut-up cherry!
diet: Bad, unhealthy, you're all unhealthy. Am I fat? Have I put on weight?
dr. pepper: Who the fuck are you people? Marauders at the gate of the late inter-galactic cola wars? I am true? I am original.
vanilla: Give me a break. I'm vanilla! You think I want to be intermingling here? This is a definite demotion from ice cream and shakes. Let's just hope someone drinks us soon, so this abortion can be put to an end.
diet: Vanilla, you're fattening?! I can't live like this. I'm going for a jog.
cherry: (making unholy noises)
vanilla: Oh my god cherry. Would you shut the fuck up?
dr. pepper: I am me? Am I me? This is mr. pibb isn't it? You're trying to get to me. Hostile take-over. The years of espionage have finally worked? No? I can hear you you bastard. I'll fight to the death. YOU"LL NEVER TAKE MY FREEDOM!!!!
vanilla: Fuck me! We've been here for a minute and someone's already quoting Braveheart. If I ever get my hands on the senior marketing executive who came up with this idea...I'll give him constipation or something. I don't really have to many options here people, I'm vanilla. I'll be here all week.
cherry: Suicide! I pray for death!

editor's note: Sadly, no one ever drank the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, seeing as it is a horrible product that tastes like shit, and an example of LowestCommonDenominator marketing.

9 Comments:

Blogger Captain Bee said...

I find the women drink diet cherry vanilla (with roofies) like it's water, they love it.

Oh, shit, scratch the part about the roofies and put, uhhh..."daily multivitamins", ya, multivitamins works.

Friday, January 06, 2006 2:22:00 PM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

Hey, if the roofies (by minderasure) help block out the terrible taste (I'm assuming this, I'd never actually drink one) then maybe it's not such a bad idea.

Friday, January 06, 2006 2:55:00 PM

 
Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

You gots to do one with the Bud Ice, Bud Dry, Bud Lite, Budweiser, etc. gang

Friday, January 06, 2006 3:51:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's actually pretty good. No shit. As is Coke Zero. Really, not kidding.

Friday, January 06, 2006 4:49:00 PM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

Yeah, a bunch of confusion going on down at the old Budweiser brewing plant. How about Pete's Wicked Brew? Dennis Leary was right, fuck Pete.

Friday, January 06, 2006 5:44:00 PM

 
Blogger Brent said...

Fuck him, throw him in the fire, more meat for the rest of the meateaters. -Denis Leary

Sunday, January 08, 2006 10:02:00 PM

 
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