same as it ever was (talking heads)

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

shop post work

I am a heavy proponent of the shopping after working. I must go on more of a daily basis, but there a couple of reasons that I don't really mind. Reason 1, I waste less food, no weird smells coming from the fridge b/c of that jar of mayo that I bought nine months ago and masturbated into six months ago when I decided it was a good idea to drink a bottle of wild turkey before I go hunting wild turkey (totally kidding, mayo sucks, I'd never buy it) yet my drift is caught, this saves money and is very eco-friendly in the fact that we just don't throw away food provided to us by mother earth (I joined up with a militant wing of forward thinking eco-terrorist cult recently, they make me shop everyday after work, and I have to worship Gary Busy, could be worse). Reason 2, man are there some smoking chicks who also shop post work on a semi-daily basis. The Kroger I shop at just needs a shot girl running around and I'd be good to go, fucking solid talent. The only real problem I have is that I can't really cook, and chicks dig dudes who can cook. I can either take a cooking class and learn how to cook (logical decision) or just lie my ass off and say something like, "Oh yeah, I'm really into fusion cooking. You mean to tell me you've never had Lucky Charms and chicken fingers? It's HUGE in Europe." Anyway on to some possible grocery store pick lines I'm kicking around in my head...

1. "Do you know where the salad dressing is? Aisle 6? Cool, thanks, you wanna fuck?"
2. "Oh yeah, I'm buying this water to send to our troops overseas and for some local homeless neighborhood puppies. Are you interested in giving me a handjob?"
3. "So what! I like Fresca! It is NOT as gay as Tab!" (sorry not really a pickup line, more of a daily occurrence)
4. "Did you know that shrimp are an aphrodisiac? Yeah, you're right, they aren't but they don't have any fucking oysters in stock, work with me here."
5. "Bunch of hot tail running around don't you think so? Anyway how about you go round up some of the other uber-hotties prancing around, I'll go buy 200 or so pounds of jello, we'll all take it back to my crib (urban for house) where I have an above ground pool, fill that motherfucker up, meanwhile you ladies can get all naked and lezzz out while I videotape. Don't worry I got some tunes back at the crib, but do you mind spotting me for some booze?"

7 Comments:

Anonymous bones said...

This same scenario occurs at Target. Go there after work, and you'll find wall to wall beauties.

Only problem is that, as a male, once you step into a Target without a girl, you're instantly gay. Which kinda cancels out the postives of the above...

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 9:24:00 AM

 
Blogger chiggers said...

How can you not like mayo? I like it, in fact I could win a mayo eating contest, just spoonfuls and spoonfuls of mayo... mmmmm.... Is that gross?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 10:49:00 AM

 
Blogger Scrubby Nub and The Bothered Brigade said...

Mayo is the bomb, no doubt.

I tried number 5, but I suggested hundreds of cups of SnackPack. No one showed up.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 2:27:00 PM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

too bad SNBB, I'll take that the snackpack didn't work, already in the notes.

i was in target alone this sunday and there was some talent bones, not kroger talent, but talent nonetheless. it's just too bad those chicks thought i was gay.

mayo is gross.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 6:39:00 PM

 
Blogger cgpop said...

too bad SNBB, I'll take that the snackpack didn't work, already in the notes.

i was in target alone this sunday and there was some talent bones, not kroger talent, but talent nonetheless. it's just too bad those chicks thought i was gay.

mayo is gross.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 6:39:00 PM

 
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Friday, February 16, 2007 7:53:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

blog layout

Saturday, February 17, 2007 9:07:00 PM

 

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