same as it ever was (talking heads)

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Things that have happened to me since I started listening to The Shins (aka, how The Shins have changed my life)

1. Got herpes.
2. Befriended a volleyball, which in turn made me lose all of my previously existing friends. Now most of the time we just hang out, just the two of us, me and Wilson. Wilson's not very talkative, but a great listener, so it's cool I guess. I know what you guys are thinking, and NO I don't fill him full of air on a regular basis, you sick bastards.
3. Got a very rare strain of the Avian Bird Flu, which made me think I was an actual bird, which leads me to point 4.
4. Tried to "fly" off the roof at a local Burger King. Apparently I got on the roof to protect my eggs and when local authorities tried to talk me down I was reported to saw, "Caaawww, Caaaaawwwwww, CAAAAWWAWAW, Caaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww, CCCAAAWWW, CCCAAAWWW!!!" right before jumping off the roof because of afore mentioned incident.
5. Broke my leg and arm and a couple of ribs.
6. Had my car stolen.
7. Had my home broken into.
8. Got struck by lightning.
9. Wilson forced me to watch a Real World/Road Rules Gauntlet Challenge gunpoint. Wilson gets so pissy if it doesn't get it's eight hours.
10. Had to sit next to Howie Mandell on Marta (Atlanta's public transportation system) for TWO stops. Almost killed myself.
11. Got two restraining orders. First, I can't come within a thousand feet of Natalie Portman, second, I can't come within twenty-five feet of Zach Braff.
12. Spilled a soda on my pants after I just got them back from the dry-cleaners. I fucking hate when that happens...

But you know what guys? None of that other stuff really matters, b/c I now have The Shins and an inanimate volleyball who totally "gets me".


Blogger Brent said...

Isn't all that about 80% true?

Howie Mandel sucks, and if you didn't shoot yourself for sitting next to him for even one stop, your suckiness is in serious question.

Sunday, February 19, 2006 11:25:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could have been worse. You could have been next to TONY DANZA.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 6:23:00 PM

Blogger Brent said...

Tony Danza isn't even close to Howie Mandel. A shit-covered popsicle isn't close to Howie Mandel.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 9:24:00 PM

Blogger Will said...

I guess they really can change your life - sorry 'bout the herpes. This reminds me - my best friend is, for some reason, in love with Natalie Portman.

Saturday, February 25, 2006 1:57:00 AM

Blogger chiggers said...

Dang, that was about the most boring thing I have ver read in my life.

Monday, February 27, 2006 3:01:00 PM

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Friday, March 16, 2007 3:02:00 AM


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