same as it ever was (talking heads)

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Thoughts occuring to me at Moe's

Why wasn't I welcomed to Moe's? I know it's an annoying arbitrary yet mandatory greeting that is supposed to make patrons feel more at home (I guess?)...but, do I like have to leave now? How does this work?

The Moe's menu is a bit confusing. I see multiple menu references to the popular sitcoms "Friends" and "Seinfeld" but I also see some a Monica Lewinsky reference thrown in? My first question is why aren't there any other Thursday night NBC must see TV themed burritos or nachos or what have you? Are the "Seinfeld" and "Friends" menu choices based solely on ratings? If so why no "Family Ties" or "Cheers" or "Cosby Show", I would eat the fuck out of a Cliff Huxtable quesadilla (Cliff quesadilla, it almost rhymes). I wonder if NBC could pull off a successful lawsuit against Moe's?

Monica Lewinsky? Why jump from NBC must see TV to famous presidential adulteresses? I definitely want some Marilyn Monroe Nachos (totally rhymes). I then think to myself what if Must See TV and presidential adultery never existed? Would there even be a Moe's??? If not, presumabley then the world cease to exist, it would implode on the spot.

I wonder how old the girl four places in front of me is? Ogelthorpe University is very close. Stop thinking about this (17-19).

The last three people have been welcomed to Moe's, I seem to be the only one who hasn't been welcomed. Does this mean that when I get ready to place my order that some type of security detail consisting of a guy dressed in a large fake burrito costume with a huge Mariachi hat on and a chick who resembles Monica Lewinsky will usher me out of the establishment burrito-less?

Disaster averted. I really would like more than eight chips. It would be nice also if the chips were all of the same color. I don't understand red and purple chips. Stop thinking about this. Immediately.

Moe's hot sauce is famous. I am informed this when I am pouring some into a plastic ramican. When I think of things that are famous my mind doesn't usually drift towards Moe's hot sauce, I tend to linger on oh, I don't know, let's say Paris Hilton or something. Maybe like the secret formula for Coca-Cola is famous, but Moe's hot sauce?

Moe's also seems to know a bunch of shit. I wonder if Bo Jackson or the Nike corporation could pull off a successful lawsuit against Moe's?

There are two empty tables where people have left their trash scattered all over the place and haven't picked it up. This is, frankly, unacceptable behavior.

I'm leaving. Next to Moe's is an Original House of Pancakes. Why do all pancake themed chain establishments make themselves so easily accesable to ridicule based upon their names? (IHOP has obviously been covered by many a stand-up) It is physically impossible for the Original House of Pancakes next to Moe's to be the original Original House of Pancakes...well I guess it could be, but then it's the only one, making the rest of the Original House of Pancakes poorly named. This is, frankly, unacceptable.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

A break...of sorts

I've been on a break, of sorts. I'll be back. I have a bunch of cool shit in the hopper, us here (us consisting of me+voices in my head) at cultgoespop just decided we needed a break...of sorts. Quick preview. Already thought of my Halloween costume (going as a hipster, sorry you can't steal that) I'll expound on this more, I got other shit too, plus an awesome Chuck Sheen quote for April. Just wanted to let everyone know I have definitely not thrown in the towel. See blogging is like crack (not that I've ever done crack) how about another analogy, blogging is like an endless box of somoas (have got to be more addictive than crack...damn you girl scouts!) and I will never ever fucking stop. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up. Cool. Be back with more in early April.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

iTunes playlist (9): The Stills

Download "Fevered" (m4a) by The Stills. Yet another kick ass band from Canada. They have a new album coming out in May I think. They have some info at myspace (ever heard of it) so look it up yourselves. Anywho, this song rawks, just like all the songs on the iTunes playlist. Also, St. Patty's day is officially one of my favorite holidays, a holiday centered around drinking, what's not to love?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Fake myspace profile (1): If this goes well it could be a recurring post

Sarah
Female
18 years old
Fort Worth, Texas

"He died for our sins"

Sarah's latest blog entry: "Mel Gibson"...I really think "The Passion of the Christ" is an accurate depiction of the last hours of our lord and savior. It's not hypocritical that Mel made a boat load of money, Jesus wants it that way.

Sarah's blurbs:
About me: I'm just a normal down to earth girl, go Texas! I like to hang around with my friends, go to high school football games, volunteer at church, pray at church, judge people, and rollerskate. Catholics are yucky! Go team Baptist!

Who I'd like to meet: Billy Graham, Tammy Faye Baker, God, Jesus...but not Moses.

Sarah's Interests:
General: The Blue Collar Comedy Tour, singing in the choir, apple pie and vanilla ice cream, The upcoming firey rapture that will lead all the ungodless pagan sinners to their firey beds in the 8th circle of Hell!, my dog Rusty.

Music: Creed, FM 104.1 The Fish a local Fort Worth station with my favorite morning dj Randy "my god is your god, your god is my god, unless you're of a different skin pigmentation" Smith.

Movies: "The Passion", I've seen it 472 times.

Television: I don't watch it. Grandma says people who watch reality TV are going to Hell. I'd have to say I agree.

Books: The Bible (New Testament obviously)

Heros: Kirk Cameron

Saturday, March 11, 2006

A Don Hughes/Johnny Ballon movie pitch (#7)


DH: So we've been quite for awhile, that's what happens when you get falsley accused of murder. JB: The risk you take to hang out with The Juice
DH: Yeah, it pretty much comes with the territory
JB: Plus we really need to get back to work. I've been wearing a Dashiki for the past two months. Also, watching Tara Reid fall down a flight of stairs is funny about the first 20 or so times, but then it just gets kind of sad, in a funny way.
DH: Totally agree. And who's better than us at providing original, inspiring cinematic experiences? No one, "Survivor: The Movie" grossed almost a billion in worldwide box office. Just too bad what happened to Shelley Long. Who am I kidding, that was the highlight of the movie.
JB: Yeah, I really didn't think Corey Haim would be able to actually eat her entire torso, but when Corey Feldman's calling him a pussy, what can I say? Cinematic history.
DH: We were a bit disappointed that "Da Hamsteer" lost best actor to Phillip Seymor Hoffman, but it was probably for the best because Johnny accidentally sat on and killed him through the half way point of the show.
JB: Ha-HaaaHaaa, that's right, I totally killed "Da Hampsteer" at the Oscars. Totally forgot about that. It was kind of akward though when they went for the other actors reactions.
DH: Yeah, "Da Hampsteer" was very stoic in defeat.
(crazy simulataneous laughter, lasting about a minute)
JB: Anyway, that's enough of a re-cap let's get onto magic time. That's box office magic time, like houdini, covering the magic part, box office with people paying money, and time consisting of watches and clocks.
DH: Right there with you. Uplifting sports movie. BAM, I bet you're getting a tear right now, a little tug at the heart string.
JB: OH YEAH! Take a bunch of underdogs and drunk mentor type I'm thinking a Dennis Hopper or Gene Hackman here. Throw in some obstacles, include a season of sorts, have a montage where the loveable underdogs are terrible at the sport and then get drastically better in about a minute or two. Have some comic relief type managers/friends who get some of the players into crazy hijinks. Throw in an unsure love interest for the coach/mentor, it's either her or the bottle. Sprinkle in some inherent racial tension between the team-mates to be overcome by a bonding experience when one the different raced players help each other when confronted with a true racist-type situation, leading to a bonding between the two players that leads into a scene in the championship game where they have to pass the ball to one another to complete a totally important play, thus refering back to an earlier point in the movie where they didn't work together because of racial tension. Add an important team member getting serioulsy ill half-way through the season, we'll give him cancer or something. He'll listen to the championship game on the radio in his hospital and jump around and cheer when the team makes the big play, the hospital staff will shake their heads in disbelief and recognition, maybe toss in some nurses high-fiving in the hallway to show the audience their support for cancer-vicitm dude and the team at large. Have physically under-sized guy who filled in for cancer-victim guy make a HUGE play in the game which spurs on the team to victory. Make sure we have asshole parents who initially disagree with the loose-cannon coaching methodologies of the recovering drunk coach. These parents will be appeased by film's end after the team wins the big game. In the big game the team needs to initailly be down by a bunch of points only to make a drastic come-back. They make the comeback because of, well shit, I'm a bit lost here, how do they make the comeback, hmmmmm, any ideas?
DH: TEEN WOLF!!! Fucking TEEN WOLF 3!!!
JB: FUCK YES!!! Best idea ever!!!!!
DH: Oh my god, this is going to be fucking huge!
JB: No shit man, who doesn't watch sports? Everyone has seen sports before!
DH: Even if they don't like sports, who doesn't like TEEN WOLF?
JB: No body doesn't not like TEEN WOLF, it's a fucking statistical improbability to not not like TEEN WOLF. We'll have a bunch of teen sex too. Everyone likes teen sex.
DH: Perfect. I'm thinking Frankie Muniz can play TEEN WOLF.
JB: My thoughts exactely.
DH: You were in the zone there for awhile Johhny-boy, that trepanation is really paying off.
JB: My thoughts exactely.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

MY HERO!!!


editor's note: LSHISMP

What the fuck is going on?

When I like, try to view my like blog, I can't like see it. The screen is like, grey and stuff. Can other people view my blog with the content intact, or is anyone else having this problem? If anyone can view my blog please let me know, just leave a comment it goes to my e-mail. If no one can view my blog you guys aren't able to read this then, in that case...fuck Santa Claus, spreading his commercialism to the masses, forcing me to buy shit for others that I can't afford and they don't need. I wish we could all leave behind our material possesions, move to the midwest, and live off sunshine, berries, and heroine.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

iTunes playlist (8): Blur

I told you guys I'd post "Entertain Me" by Blur and there it is (read Blur retrospective post) in everybody's favorite recurring weekly post, my iTunes playlist (I made that up, I don't know if people like it or not). The dude in the glasses isn't in the band anymore (guitarist Graham Coxon). That's about all the information that anyone needs to really know. Oh, yeah, it's an m4a. Let me see if I think of anything amusing while writing? Nope, fresh out of ideas. Just like I have been for the last two or so months (OoOoHHHHhhhhh snap!!! I just fucking showed myself what's up).

Monday, March 06, 2006

Very Interesting

According to wikipedia, director John Hughes refused to release a soundtrack album for "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" because he feared that the eclectic collection of songs in the movie would not work well together. Here's a track listing had there been a soundtrack...

1. "Love Missile F1-11" (Extended Version) by Sigue Sigue Sputnik
2. "Jeannie" (theme from I Dream of Jeanie)
3. "Beat City" by the Flowerpot Men
4. "Star Wars" main theme by John Williams
5. "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want" (instrumental) by the Dream Academy (a cover of a song by The Smiths)
6. "Danke Schoen" by Wayne Newton
7. "Twist and Shout" by The Beatles (which charted again 16 years after the Beatles broke up, as a result of its appearance in this movie)
8. "Radio People" by Zapp
9. "I'm Afraid" by Blue Room
10. "Taking the day Off" by General Public
11. "The Edge of Forever" by The Dream Academy
12. "March of the Swivelheads" by the English Beat
13. "Oh Yeah" by Yellow
14. "BAD" by Big Audio Dynamite

Pretty interesting stuff considering John Hughes is sometimes credited with popularizing soundtrack sales from his earlier 80's film work. Weird selection indeed but hipsters around the world over would probably cut off an arm to get this, at least a finger.

editor's note: I'm not really happy that I know this but, "Please Please Please..." by The Smiths is featured in another John Hughes film. Can anyone else name the movie and scene?

Sunday, March 05, 2006

BLUR, a retrospective

Ok fuck it, I won't put up a stupid fucking picture (this rambling is more for my sake not yours, blogger doesn't want to let me put up a picture right at this moment, so fuck it, I won't put up a stupid fucking picture).

If someone asked me what my favorite band is I would probably tell them either U2 or Talking Heads. When I actually stop and think about this question though the actual answer should probably be Blur. I compiled a favorite 100 songs list some months back and Blur had six entries, the highest number from any band on the countdown. I'm going to put up a song from each of Blur's albums right now in m4a format (Kaplan) so you can download them if you please (I'm actually going to skip Leisure their first album, b/c I can't find it in my iTunes folder, so it's getting skipped, just to let you know I would have probably put up "There's No Other Way" but everyone has probably already heard that song before, so no skin off my back, that's a stupid saying). Blur are a criminally under-rated band, that's a heads up, if you download and listen to these tunes you'll see what I'm saying, enjoy...

"Oily Water": Modern Life is Rubbish
"Trouble in the Message Center": Parklife
"Yuko & Hiro": The Great Escape (I wanted to send "Entertain Me" but I clicked this by accident, I'm having issues today, this is still a good song, just know that it's not as good as "Entertain Me", maybe I'll post that at a later time, this whole thing is taking me a long time and I want to watch Oscars tonight)
"Death of a Party": Blur
"Caramel": 13 (my favorite Blur album, a top 5 all-time favorite album actually)
"Ambulance": Think Tank

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Listen up

I went ahead and spent the extra .39 cent for the up-size on my fry OK. That means I would actually like the large fry to contain more fry than the small or medium fry options, this is why I paid the extra .39 cent. I know I'm not overweight (this is because of a lethal combination of stress, methamphetamine hydrochloride, and a now discontinued early 90's Paula Abdul work out video tape) but that doesn't mean I want less fry than the small fry or medium fry option, as mentioned before I paid an extra .39 cent for the up-size fry option. If you want to short change me on anything go ahead and give me a medium soda, then I won't really give a fuck, even though I spent an x-tra .39 cent for that as well. Thanks, and oh yeah, one more thing, please fucking ban kids from all of your establishments, kids of all genre (encompassing ages 0-17).

editor's note: more to come on why kids of all genres suck, listen people, just stop having them that's all im askin, tbc...

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

March fuckers



Meaning that it's time to change to header. Cool song by new music obsession (for me at least) Built to Spill, download "Center of the Universe" (m4a), and I like that there particular lyric so up it goes. March is a great month, completely under-rated, actually it's maybe my favorite month. Usually I go to Vegas every March (cancelled this year due to new job) but the first two weekends of March Madness are, hands down, the most exciting time on the sports calendar...can't wait.

editor's note: When I was doing spell check just now the suggested replacement for fuckers was puckers, that's a new one for me, I'm going to see if it suggests it again, hold on a sec...yeah it did, I forget what the old common replacement suggestion was. I don't recall it being puckers.