same as it ever was (talking heads)

Saturday, May 06, 2006

fake myspace profile (3)

Johnny "JB" Ballon

"I love the smell of silicon in the morning"

male
35 yrs. old
Hollyweird, CA

latest blog entry: "Oprah is house sitting for me. She's got to water my plants, if that shit is a little bit brown when I get back I'll burn down the fucking Oxygen channel. I'm going to Aruba (again) sooooooooooo boring."

About me: Leo Dicaprio walks my dogs, they bit him once but I don't really give a fuck. Fucking actors, pathetic. Tara Reid is giving me a blowjob as I type, I know, slummin, sometimes you gots to do what you gots to do. I'm a fucking MOGUL bitches a fucking HOLLYWEIRD INSTITUTION, all bow, really, fucking bow right now. Tarantino detailed my car last week, this is how much people want to work with me. You know the term "People who know People" I'm those people. Harvey Weinstein just text messaged me, I fucked Linday Lohan last night (slummin, i know), I only drink Kabbalah water, Ashton Kusher is such a fucking loser, Demi Moore gave me a blow job (soooooo old), I have perscriptions for percocet, codeine, lithium, Oxycodeine, medical marijuana, valum, ritilan, zanax, and a bunch of other shit I can't really remember right now. I leave my house only on cloudy days (I hate the fucking sun, I can afford to do this, I have more money than most 3rd world countries), I live next door to Vince Vaughn,
Bill Gates does my taxes...

People I want to meet: More like people who want to meet me. The Pope, Salmund Rushdie, Mick Jagger, Heidi Klum, Nelson Mandela, Donald Trump, Bono, Fionna Apple, Paul Thomas Anderson, Russel Simmons, Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno, Paris Hilton, Nikki Hilton, Jessica Alba, J-Lo, you get the picture

General: I idolize Dennis Hopper's character Frank Booth from "Blue Velvet", we are kindred spirits. So I have Keifer Sutherland tote a portable laughing gas station around for me (who do you think got him that whole 24 gig). Kate Moss cleans my pool.

Music: I'm in a band with Trey Anastsio, Pharrel Williams, Brian Eno, and Phil Collins, very ecletic shit, waaaaaay over your heads. I dj as a hobby (so early 90's I'm really trying to quit)

Movies: Ummmmmm, yeah, "Da Hampsteer", "Survivor: The Movie", "Teen Wolf 3", "Golden (Shower) Girls", "Welcome Back Kotter: The Movie", "Banana Splits: Murder Cartel/Camp Friendship", and some others, I'm installing an Olympic sized pool in my drive-way.

TV: LOVE IT, genious stuff, so original, LOVE IT. This is where I get my inspiration, be looking for "Laguna Beach" the movie. I had a three-way with Kristen and LC.

Books: I found this pretty solid dude named Bubba something or other and he said books suck and are gay and shit, I couldn't agree more.

Heros: riiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhttttt

editor's note: This was my 200th post, thought I'd mention that...also this post was done in green, all JB and Don Hughes related posts are done in green...the color of $

18 Comments:

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Saturday, May 06, 2006 3:19:00 PM

 
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Saturday, May 06, 2006 3:19:00 PM

 
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Saturday, May 06, 2006 3:24:00 PM

 
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Saturday, May 06, 2006 3:25:00 PM

 
Blogger Captain Bee said...

"
People I want to meet: More like people who want to meet me."

Hahahahah!

Saturday, May 06, 2006 3:51:00 PM

 
Anonymous Chops said...

JB is the man!

Sunday, May 07, 2006 1:20:00 PM

 
Blogger Jacquie said...

Loves it! Hey just when you mentioned the color of money you got all these cool invites to make extra money. Don't-they-know-who-you-are???

Sunday, May 07, 2006 9:34:00 PM

 
Anonymous Breff said...

Dude, the JB posts are the best. Fucking hilarious.

Sunday, May 07, 2006 9:41:00 PM

 
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Monday, May 08, 2006 10:21:00 PM

 
Blogger chiggers said...

"I have more money than most third world countries."

Hahaha, awesome. Too bad the poor guy can't spell, I think "Salmund Rushdie" is my favorite.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006 12:18:00 PM

 
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