same as it ever was (talking heads)

Monday, June 12, 2006

The Fackin' ROOOOOO

Hell's yeah. This Thursday I'm off to the Bonnaroo concert to see the bands and party with the kids. There will be some totally dope muzak at this biotch, here's a break-down of sorts, a prediction of the time that will be had by me.

Thursday Night:

7:30ish P.M...Leave the ATL drive about 31/2 hours to our friend's house in Nashville to spend the night. Listen to "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys on repeat the entire way! Can't wait to see those fuckers headline Saturday night! John Stamos on drums!! No Brian Wilson!!! That fucker really messed up their sound. Drink a quart of Tequila on the way up, drive the last hour of the trip.

Friday:

Wake up about 9 A.M. and drive the rest of the way to Manchester. Double fist Bloody Mary's the entire way. That should put me at about 6-8 Mary's by the time we get there as long as I don't drink like a pussy. By the time we get past security etc. It should be about noonish or noonch, pronounce however you like, and it's time to go kroosin for High School chicks. Winger doesn't start until 2:00, I sure as fuck ain't missin them, but there should be some high school chicks running around (school's out) try to give them some beers and get to like second base or so. On the Winger!!! That, shit Rawked! Mascara and spandex and guitar solos, FUCK YEAH. Need I say more, such an under-rated sound. Snort some VCR cleaner. Like a bunch. On to see Boys To Men at about 4:30. "Mo Town Philly's Back Again!" Fuck yeah his ass is. Order two Philly Chesse Steaks and eat them during the set. 6:30, House of Pain! Jump around, Jump around, Jump around crackers. I'm white, I'm Irish, I can wrap! I mean rap bitches. I don't feel so much like jumping around though because of the 4 oxycodeine I took before the show. Throw-up multiple times. Have to Rally though because Cher is on at 8:30!!!! Yes, CHER!!!! Totally worth the price of admission. Mix up myself a killer 64 oz. Long Island Iced Tea w/ a liberal dose of Liquid Vicodin. See Cher transform into the devil half-way through "Do you believe In life after love". Scream, "Show us your ass with the anvil tattoo or whatever the fuck it is" for the rest of the 2 1/2 hour set. Throw up a couple more times. Pass out and miss Tatoo performing at Midnight (totally pissed off about this).

Saturday 1:00 P.M...Wake up where I presumably passed out at the Cher concert with a glow stick in my mouth. Run back to the RV. Take 10 consecutive whip-its, and run, I mean fly down the 2 Live Crew Show starting at 2:30. "Fuck Marinez. Fuck, Fuck, Martinez!" The get up and do something anthem of my formative years. Pocahantus comin? Free Willy FREE WILLY! 3, 4, we fucked on the floor? Luther Campbell you are to wrap, I mean rap, what like Dustin Diamond is to say Saturday morning TV my friend. Snort a bunch of crystal meth. 4:00 and Toby "I'd rather kick you in the fuckin face rather than look at you you communist pinko fuck, fuck you fucking yuppie you make me fucking sick" Keith! Drink a quart of moon-shine, actually think I turn into a werewolf and start howling at the moon which presumabley isn't there. It's cool though, because I steal a huge rebel flag, Stars and Bars bitch, and wave that mother fucker and yell. "The fucking South was Robbed, all you fucking carpet baggers can suck my dick!" the rest of the show. Get invited backstage after the concert but have to opt out, because Ace of Base is on at 6:30. I see the sign, after dropping 5 hits of ecstacy and 5 of acid. Have this chick write, Ace of Base makes Ikea look like Cher's pussy (I have no idea what this means) on my forehead in permanent black marker. I miss the beach boys because I think there are ewoks trying to literally kill me, I'm heard whispering, "Sure there cute, until you're riding on one of those paratrooper machines and they sabotage you with a net. Then the ewoks come to feast. They eat people and shit." Sleep throught the rest of Saturday and presumabley Sunday's shows. Damnit, I cannot believe I actually miss Nelson, sooo stupid.

Ok then, that is like a prediction or something of what my Bonnaroo will turn into. I cannot wait to yell at Cher.

39 Comments:

Blogger chiggers said...

you can take your bowl and bud into the concert area, but don't take a spatula. it is a potential weapon and they will confiscate it. i'm dead serious. oh and you can sell acid and goo balls out in the open, but watch out if you have a tank of nitrous. that's not allowed either. bonnaroo is crazy.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 4:23:00 PM

 
Blogger Captain Bee said...

"There will be some totally dope muzak at this biotch,"

^ And a lot of dope.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 7:41:00 PM

 
Blogger squiggles said...

man i came across your blog and man you seem to have a....diffewrent way of thinkign it is so awsome...i would love to yelll at cher as well...if you ever get time drop by my blog and check it out

Monday, June 19, 2006 5:37:00 PM

 
Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

sounds dizope, foo'

Wednesday, June 21, 2006 11:07:00 AM

 
Blogger chiggers said...

cgpop, it looks as though you have a high school kid who thinks you are awesome. how adorable!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006 7:25:00 PM

 
Blogger Will said...

Wish I was there.

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