same as it ever was (talking heads)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The funniest thing I ever wrote

was probably that post I did on Radiohead fans almost a year ago, this post is not in anyway related to that one, or as funny either. I just wanted to do one of those misdirection type deals, I think it worked well.

On to the issue at hand. I would really feel bad if I killed someone, that is, unless, they were, like, ummmmmm, riding a bike. Then I might actually feel kind of happy, it would be cathartic in a way, cathartic is a way which some sort of catharsis would take over.

See I don't know where everyone who reads this blog lives, but I live here in Atlanta, Ga. The roads are quite busy and narrow, not really the best place for someone to jump on their huffy and take a spin.

The real issue at hand is that on a decently sized road by me they are now redrawing the roads and including bike lanes. The problem is that the bike lanes are only like 2 feet wide. Why would the city want to promote people riding bicycles around town? This road will still be way to crowded and it doesn't lead to any other roads with bicycle lanes. Then they have these commercials where they say shit like "Share the roads" to promote, like, bicycle safety and general harmony and shit between, say, car drivers and bike riders. In my estimation, that whole marketing campaign and general idea in general (people riding bikes on small heavily car populated urban streets and whatnot) can go ahead and sit on my dick and spin. Why the fuck should I almost get into an accident every time some jackass decides to go biking around the city on a bike? Here's how I view these things, I'm not actively going to try to run over anyone riding a bike around Atlanta, but I am in a car, if the decision is between me running over some dude on a bike or hitting an Ford Expedition, hitting the dude on the bike will always be option 1A. This goes for motorcycle riders as well (not as large a problem as bikers because of the actual speed they can maintain) but let's say I own a Yugo or something and you have a badass Harley, well you could probably kick my ass and are much cooler than me in, say, general but if we get into an accident I'm thinking the Yugo will win like 100% of the time (just a little food for thought, should have been an aside or something).

In summary, don't ride your bike around heavily-traffic roads in urban areas, it's a dangerous situation for eveyone involved, especially for you (you being the dumbass actually riding the bike) because as mentioned before, no fucking way am I going to be riding a bike around the ATL. If I was to hit and let's say kill a bike rider (not on purpose mind you...nonetheless), it may actually feel cathartic. Bike riders and squirrels (I briefly touched on this awhile back) not going to feel too guilty about this. And someone help me if I ever see a fucking squirrel riding a bike, then all bets are off...

editor's note: I wonder if the anti-christ was born today?

11 Comments:

Blogger Symms said...

The only time I want to kill bikers is when they're on the road and a sidewallk is available.

Take your little toy and move it over to the sidewalk, please.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006 9:33:00 PM

 
Anonymous bones said...

This post, as well as your post about holding the door open for people, reading touched a nerve. In a good way. These two aspects of society bother the shit out of me, too, and cause me a decent amount of heartache. Thank you for bringing this important issue to our attention, and please don't hesitate to give a bike-rider a little love tap with your car. The mother fucker wasn't going to follow the rules of the road anyway...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006 9:38:00 PM

 
Blogger chiggers said...

did you know that it is illegal for bikes to be on the sidewalk. fucking ridiculous because THAT'S WHY THEY PISS ME OFF IN THE STREET! but don't worry apparently we can cure road rage with a pill now, it is actually a disorder with a diagnosis. oh and sanders, you can sit on a dick and spin!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006 1:26:00 PM

 
Blogger Will said...

Well put. What a dumb idea on those bike lanes. I'll have to go back and find that Radiohead fan post.

Saturday, June 10, 2006 9:48:00 PM

 
Blogger Captain Bee said...

The Radiohead thing is pretty fucking funny.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 7:42:00 PM

 
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