same as it ever was (talking heads)

Saturday, July 22, 2006

the brand new game that's sweeping the nation "confuse a shot girl"

Let's say hypothetically not much is happening around your neck or the woods on say a Friday night. Ok, most of the friends are out of town, but it's been a long work week, you don't really want to waste Friday night in front of the TV, what to do? Hmmmmmmmmmm, got it, hypothetically, you should head over to your nearest local strip club. Genius, genius idea, you are a genius now.

Ok, at _insert name of local strip club_and you have spent obscene amounts of money by this point. A shot girl comes up to you and asks if you want a shot (of jager, or jager bomb, or a red headed slut, or maybe a lemon drop, or that shit that is blue, or maybe the sunny D, or possibley the purple stuff, I would personally go for the purple stuff, hypothetically). Ok, so you've done a fair amount of drinking by this point in the evening and agree for shot girl to tender services for an amount of 5 dollars US american (hypothetical situation).

I don't know if anyone has ever been to a strip club, I'm thinking probably yes 100 percentile of the readers of this blog have but (to air on the side of safety) the shot comes in what looks like a test tube vile type aparatus, this is important information. Let's say the shot girl then sits in your lap and takes the vile of the purple stuff and starts to lick it and look at you and shove the vile down her throght like she performing fellatio. Yes like she's giving the vile a blow-job but she's looking intently at you this is the point where the brand new game that's sweeping the nation "confus a shot girl" comes into play (hypothetically). Simply say to the shot girl...

"This is suppossed to be a metaphor. Right?"

editor's note: If you are ever at a strip club and a stripper who's stripping says to you, "I took Red Bull, it gave me wings" for no apparent reason, instead of dwelling on the implications of this statement at this point and time say to her "as advertised".

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems

I was pretty sober last night when I posted those three intriguing and thought challenging posts. Let me give you some insight into what I was trying to accomplish with said posts.

Post #1: Yesterday before I went out last night I saw the Tom Emansky baseball video commerical, fucking unreal, how many years has this fucking thing been on? At least 12 or so, it was sans Fred McGriff (that was a bit disappointing, but nonetheless) but still very impressive. I really want to meet someone who purchases this video. People have to be purchasing this video right? Why would they still be showing the commercial if people didn't buy it? On second thought I may buy it, it's got to be fucking hilarious. Also, who learns to play a sport by watching a videotape? Also, I wonder if there is a DVD option or do you still have to purchase it on VCR format, I really hope there is no DVD option.

Post #2: It was a concerned post on if my previous post (Tom Emansky post) got posted or not. It did. I'm going to try not to drink any Vodka tonight.

Post #3: Probably the most confusing of the three (that's saying alot, congrats post 3). Often times I think I should have named this blog cultgonepop, instead of cultgoespop, this is what I was talking about in post three, I mentioned that the there wouldn't be any "" necessary though, but I thought you dudes probably understood that.

Post #2:

should have been "gone" minus the quotes that i just put on but you dudes probably already new that

k

Did the fuckiiiiiiiing Thoms Thomas EManskiii (y) post get posted???

lettuce hop...e...sew

I Really...REALLY Want To Meet Tom Emansky...(possibly) ii

3 AAU Championships circa 89-91...?????????...Who is this dude's press AGENT???...Unbievalbe,,,...

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Rogue Wave "Nourishment Nation"

Saw Rogue Wave about a month or so ago, pretty good. NN m4a is easily my favorite song by them. Wouldn't it be really weird if bands were an actual manifestation of their actual name, meaning that when I showed up to the concert a month ago instead of there being actual humans playing in a band it was an actual wave of the rogue type. We would all have gotten wet, it would have been awesome.

Monday, July 03, 2006

I ripped this idea off

editor's note: I got this idea from one of those Family Guy flashbacks. It's the one where they show how all of the vowels hate Y. Funny.

Doctor (X): Well, three www's congratulations.
Husband (L): Oh, fucking great! I fucking new it! They aren't even mine!
Wife (O): This is suppossed to be a happy time. Shut-up you bastard!
L: They're H's aren't they? Come out and say it! I know it, I should have figured as much.
O: I hate you!
L: Old college "friends" my ass. Sure, "we just go to museums together" how stupid could I have been.
O: Well you wouldn't go do anything cultural with me, what do you expect? Plus don't come off all high and mighty, I know what you've been up to with that hussie C. Don't think I don't know.
L: How are we suppossed to pay for this? I'm mortgagd to the hilt! I'm not going to make partner for at least 8 more years?
O: Maybe you could sell your Range Rover you selfish prick! Also cut down on your Vegas trips asshole.
L: You know I love the Rover, it's not going to happen. Don't bring Vegas into this, when else am I going to get some "Me" time. That's it, It's done, finished. I'll have Alberto (D, L's lawyer and co-worker at the firm) serve you up the papers. Good luck with tripletts and your liberal arts degree!

editor's note: The three w's went on to become huge as we all know. O lives in a manison in West Palm Beach, Fla. and L got murdered in Vegas.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Allow myself to whore myself

July 9th, it's the CGP birthday or anniversary or what have you. I've made you guys laugh? Right? No? Whatever, I still want some fucking presents. Here's my list...

1. A My little Pony, it's gotta be pink though.
2. A coinstar machine at the pad here in the ATL. I have a problem with change, I don't know if I love it or hate. I always have so much and I can't get rid of it and it pisses me off, but maybe I love it, maybe that's why I have so much? Who the fuck knows, I just know I needs me a coinstar machine.
3. A copy of "How to pick up trashy women" the book that John Cusak's little brother was reading in "Better Off Dead".
4. A turban like Dre 3K had circa ATLiens, I think I'm going to start pimping a turban around...a turban.
5. A European vacation...and Chevy Chase as accompianment on said Vacation.
6. Chevy Chase to start using coke again before we set off to Europe. So he'd be funny again.
7. Dan Brown's soul.
8. One of those talking and driving cars like Kit from "Knight Rider", but it can't have one of those gay English boarding school accents, I want it to sound like Steven A. Smith.
9. An entry into the 2006 WSOP main event.
10. Sex with Michelle Phiefer...and her sister (totally hot, trust me).
11. A voodoo doll of the person who greenlit "Operation Dumbo Drop" so I can jab it with pins on a secondly basis.
12. To have Jeff Bridges reprise his role as "The Dude" from Lebowski so he can come over and hang out, we'll drink White Russians and smoke some bulls (intentional word mis-usage).
13. A shopping cart, from Kroger not Publix.
14. One of those lightning bolt scares on my forehead like Harry Potter has. A make-out session with Hermoine (she's of age right? if not disregard that statement).
15. Outkast, Radiohead, Wilco, and especially Interpol to all release new albums on the 9th.
16. Some popsicle art, very hip and huge in Moscow from what I hear.
17. Lindsay Lohan to show me her tits and then say, "I'm stopping making movies, I publicly apologize officially right now. One more thing Aaron Carter is a pussy. HEY! I didn't say you could touch them!"
18. A pet turtle, I'll fucking take it everywhere with me like those Hollywood chicks do with their stupid little dogs. I'll put it in my pocket, when it gets too big to fit in my pocket I'll throw it away and someone can buy me a new one.
19. #20 to be really funny.
20.

July...hawt

Holy fucking shit. I forgot I had a blog! It's almost cultgoespop one year b-day, it's in like 5 or 6 days or something. Pimp. I need some help here, I'm going Lollapalooza in early August. On Saturday the geniuses who set up the festival scheduled The New Pornographers and Theivery Corporation at the same time. Who should I go see? Help a brother out. Anyway I changed the header, yet again I was late to the party, "Alligator" by the National is the shit, just recently picked it up, the header is a line from a song they sing, it deals with not fucking people over and the month of November...it's July...hawt